JustMarl

harini gi JPN amek IC. so weird jalan sorang2. menandekan aku sgt2 bergantung pd org lain. haha.

but sikit2 ade mcm sense of keyakinan yg betambah and matang. ZZZ

lepas tu gi wat CIMB, Alhamdulillah. da setel. tp Maybank x berjaye. sbb ramai sgt org. aku patut dtg kul 430. time tu mesti da kosong. haih. maybank ni ari2 penuh. tataw org watpe dlm tu.

:|

First, they give you hopes and kesungguhan yg tak berbelah bagi. They make you feel like, they would die for you.

Mase tu. hati berbelah bagi.

Then, they keeppp giving more and more and more hopes.

Empty promises.

And hati you mule berbunge2.

Awww.

Then you say. Alright :]. Im ready.

Next, the bunge2 all gone. the empty promises? remain empty.

and weird sbb time2 camni, ade je bende tak kene. start dari mende kecik.

The next thing you know. your decision dipersoalkan. like..

WHAT THE FUCK?

ak tak terpk pun macam tu.

tapi die pk camtu.

I consider that macam dah jawab soalan pun even bukan directly.

Cepat sgt. x sempat nk rase pape

Haih..

but I should be happy now. sbb aku taw ak da semakin tua~

just wondering bile agaknye ajal aku. sempat ke aku nk wat sume mende aku nk wat tu?

:]

I think. Id like to adopt a child. tak decide lagi a boy or a girl. pompuan susah nk jage. lol.

Maybe laki. harap2 die x besa and merosakkan anak dare org and smoge die jadi sorang yg taat pd org tua.

hati aku senstive bebeno dlm few days ni. I dont have the answer for the WHY. because. mmg aku tataw pun.

maybe aku sbenarnye mmg bharap tinggi tanpe disedari? sbb tu pedih sgt ati ni.

people will disappoint you  at times you least expected.

Maybe aku pun penah wat camni kt org tanpe aku sedari? and Im sorry.

sbb sometimes, aku sindri pun benci dgn diri sindri.

if only I have the guts to stab my own chest. and heal cpt2 mcm hayden dlm Heroes tu. mesti stabbing ni jadi everyday routine ak.

My plan for tomorrow? well.. maybe Id just stay at home, and enjoy my last moments here in Putra.

Almost the end of 2010.

this year. sgt sgt byk mengajar aku.

Id say, this year is the roughest year so far. pedih sgt2..

but maybe next year wouldn’t be that bad sbb if you ever felt THAT kind of pain, i supposed nothing could hurt you anymore. NOTHING.

:|

I want to be a stronger Maliza on 2011.

A better Maliza.

I want to be there for everyone.

I want to be nicer.

I want to get better grades.

I dont want to skip any class. PROMISE! Ill try harder this time.

I hope I can correct things.

I want to stop hurting people around me.

but thats the hardest one la. sbb in order to do so. I have to die. literally.

I want to be able to do things on my own. lagi bagus kalau sume aku bleh buat sindri.

I want to stop depending on other people *okay tibe2 ternampak flashback muke Shaggy. Shes been really really tabah that past 2 days we spent together. thank you so much sbb teman aku Moy. :]. I really appreciate it. REALLY.

Oleh itu aku akan mendedicatedkan gmbar2 kenangan kami dibawah demi utk mengambil hati beliau. wawawawa.

Lovee my fangs!

Balloons.

haha. 2 VERY healthy kiddy and their retardness. Callin it the MollyMoySyndrome.

We are toooooooooooo active when we’re together. :|

Gelak smpai perut ade 6packs. hahaha

ok sekian saje. bye!

I really hope that 2011 gonna be a better year for everyone :]

I always knew, someone else would fit into that empty seat. Just that , I dont want that someone else to walk into my life and I dont want to admit that anyone could.

but.of course. i was wrong. again.

everyone can fit perfectly into his life. asalkan die suke da cukup.

:]

I should be thrilled. cos I know then, he’ll do fine when Im not around

it just torn me apart to know that..the same feeling came back..that same feeling when she told me that.I cried with her that whole night, hating the guy who ruined her life. almost bout to hate every single living guy on earth, reminding myself that they’re all cant be trusted. I was stupid back then.

That same girl, whom I cried the whole night with.. Allah knows everything.. I might not be the most sweet nice kindhearted person on earth. I can be mean at times. and Im in no position to judge her the way I did. I tried not to. well its pretty hard okay. but.. able to feel THAT same feeling all over again. Makes me feel like it just happened yesterday.

Since her,I could NEVER..trust anyone like that ever again.

Not her fault. My own fault to trust all that fake tears and all that fake regrets.*it cud be real at that time. but doesnt matter anymore*

Im crushed that night. Sebab aku dpt rasekan mcm..it happened to me.

BUTTT, of course. theres a catch.

turn out, it was all bullshit. and

i dont want to be part of it. not anymore

Gosh I couldnt get my eyes of the korean models. haha. TOOO PRETTTYYY. they give me another reason to kill myself.

and waddefak with the lift alarm!! dr smlm asek bunyi pagi2 bute cmni.

and I still tak tido cos busy updating De Lolly. Kene update before next week sbb lepas ni aku dah takkan update sgtt kott. maybe only on Saturday and Sunday. hehe

tadi baru lepas chatting ngn Inang. and she gave me a Sambal Ayam Jawa. wowww. aku x saba nk try. besok definitely kene try. So tomorrow’s lunch da taw nk mkn pe. hmmm.

and now Im inlove with flower printed cardy or leopard prints cardy. waaaaaaaaaaaaa. lawa! wanna have them all >.<

tell me baju ni x lawa!! tell me!!!

Kul 11 jap gi tlg Lalat jage gerai cake kt my old office punye tempat. but first pegi anta cake Mama order from Lalat kt office dy dulu kul 9.30 camtu.

okay dah balik.

x sempat publish post ni tadi. pening2 sbb kene bgn awl and x cukup tido.

The business went well I think? aku ade rase sedikit kepelikan tentang someone dekat somewhere tapi..okay ignore jelah.

zz.

meeting Isa this monday! yay! nk gi Little Taiwan!

tomorrow *or kejap lagi at 7AM camtu*, pegi balik kg. maybe sehari je kott. just mcm nk singgah. aku mcm tanak ikut. sbb spatutnye nk kua dating ngn Isa tapi..I guess tape. anggap ni loss opportunity, tp isnin maybe aku akan balik lmbt skit. baik jgn lawan cakap mama. haha. saba sikit utk dpt pe aku nak nanti. WAWAWAWAW!!

oh mahalnye yuran sem ni… :[

RM490. hmm. mule igt nk beli printer and external gune wit mama, tp mcm byk je expenses dorang.. pastu ngn ruma sewe nye deposit.. omg.. ngn basikal. hmm. please please. smoge rezeki aku dimurahkan …

Lolly tgh in a messsss. sbb byk sgt mende aku upload and x susun lagi. so yeah. maybe aku tak tido kot. gotta siapkan sume ni spaye minggu depan aku leh focus kt all the preparation for Arau. okbye!

Pelanggan tetap De Lolly. haha. bag and dress beli kt ak!

chocolate cake yg ditempah dr Abang Lalat; aka Chef AlKhairi

tgh siapkan lain2 tempahan mase kt uma Lalat.

kt Gerai Chef kt office lame ak.Parcel E ke C ntah.

Lalat kelihatan berseri ngn dress dr De Lolly. wakakak

sorang lagi pelanggan tetap De Lolly. iaitu pemiliknya sendiri; Molly the Great!

me wearing an oversized grey top. I lovee the material used for this baju. cotton-polyester ishh type.

*aku rase aku comel la kott wat camni. zzz*

Ayam Sambal Jawa.

tried the recipe that I get from my bestt internet friend, Inang. hehe. thank you inang! byk gile nk kene improve tapi I really lovee the rasa. almost mcm rendang-like. just dissapointed sikit sbb x cukup pedas :[

Ill do better next time!

PS/ thanks to Abg Ayie sbb baya upah jage cake tadi. hehe.

Alhamdulillah.

Yesterday I went to Maybank with Lalat. Siapkan the ATM card and register for the internet online banking. Thanks so much to the lady yg baik gile watkan online reg utk aku.

Then we went to Bangi. Kedai jual barang2 cake. Gets so horny picit all the tepung. Ah. I just loveee the feeling of picit anything lembik dlm plastic. hahaha. clearly Im retarded.

OH! dah post the boy’s bag and he should received it by today I guess. or paling lambat tomorrow? :|

org duk Sarawak pun dpt kejap je. ni kan duk Klang je. hmm

Last night supplier message telling they’ve post out my bags. So I should be receiving it by today. tp still tade pape. maybe petang sikit. Im not sure.

Nt nk suh mama check mailbox kot2 ade pape letter ke. sbb die nye system mcm pelik skit. not the usual one yg supplier trus gune Pos Laju and give me the tracking number.

aku pun harap dpt cpt2 bag tu sbb igt nk settel everything by this week.

I believe that , kite control our own mind and thoughts. same goes to feelings. btul ke kite taleh control prasaan?? tetibe aku rase mcm bende tu salah. all those saying pasal, kite taleh control prasaan suke kt someone. that explains the love on the 1st sight? aku rase, the different is that, maybe ade sstgh org tu ade aura orr, ade attitude yg buat org senang nk suke die.bukan pasal kite taleh control prasaan kite. well, of course aku taw kite leh control prasaan kite. Ive came thiss far. tp aku x bunuh diri pun lepas berkali2 putus cinte?? hahaha.

kamon la..we are what we eat. this meat and fat in me.. ridiculously strong okeeyy!

maybe yes. I cried like tomorrow is the end of the world sometimes. but I get back up on my feet the next day. I mean, WE ARE strong. maybe just we didnt think much bout it sbb we’re to busy holding on to something yg kite dah hilang tibe2 and too busy collecting all the falling pieces and sgt sgt busy avoiding the reality. cos it hurts so much you’d rather die. Ive been there. tell you what. sentiase beringat and tgk all those people around you.

btul ke kite je yg ade masala teruk sgt tu?? mestila tak… org lain probably tgh nk wat keputusan yg melibatkan hidup mati dy.. and kite?worry so much of getting old and future. No one can tell the future. No one.

I know I know.. aku cepat lupe sume ni.. sbb tu almost everynight bile terkenang. senang sgt kuar air mate. haha.

If I can cut half of my brain or cut where the memories were, things would be easy. But.. the harsh truth is that. Living is HARDD. haaa. but like I said before. That does not mean that you have to give anything less. btul x? At the end. sume ni x penting pun. Really. It might seems sgt2 la crucial and penting gile to us. tp sbenanye tu lebih pade desire than need. yess. we need to be loved and we wantttt to love other people jugak. So? we have our parent. okay. maybe we need someone to be romantically involved with. okay. I have someone who keep mengorat me. haha. tell you what. I might not have any feeling towards him at first. but I might be wrong. Maybe that can change. Mule2. Im scared to even like him. because aku tanak pk die pun bleh suke org lain. but. die yg buat dulu. so nape aku taleh?? and this got nothing to do with them even ade la sikit2 motivation tu dr dorang jugak. I know I dont want to lose this guy even die kadang2 annoying and busuk. haha.

sile wangikan diri anda ok!

so kalau ni jodoh aku. Im okay with that!:D  lets not bercouple2 and jln pgg tgn and kissing in the movies. if you really like me macam tu and sincere. lets just get engaged la. xyah lame2. pastu kawen je. wuwuwuwuw

ramalan aku MUNGKIN kawen is.. maybe lepas aku abes degree and kerje like for a year dulu?

tkua2 air lio kalau pk kawen. waawawaa.

ok bye.

I love clothes. All of them. especially those in black or grey or dirt brown. and baju sume da sampai! Im quite surprise, harini sumeeee sampai. from 3 different suppliers punye barang. and so glad. and luckily the guy customer yg macam garang tu mcm x mara barang dy sampai lambat. well, 1st, bag die preorder, so aku assume die taw la mende tu bukan dpt cpt. yg penting aku da siap bungkus. siap bagi freegift utk sdapkan ati dy *free gift tu pun ak dpt free dr kenduri kawen. haha*

kt uma ni da byk sgt free mugs, Mama ley bukak kedai kot..

Mama warn me that nt da start study xyah nk bebisnes2. ye okay ma. I get it… zzzzzz

pastu die asek komplen pasal my weight. arghh. tensyen. time aku kurus dulu tanak makan die mara. gemok pun mara. haha. its either ur FAT or THIN. tade sedang2 k. hahaha. life’s so cruel >.<

soo now im adding 6packs to my things to do before i die list. haha.

tomorrow, aku igt nk gi anta beg the guy, pastu gi wat maybank2u ngn ATM card, pastu maybe pack my things for Arau.

hmm. Im kinda excited to start new sem actually tp ntah la.. mcm a so-so feeling. ah. gotta go tu TAR and beli tudung! I need those plain tudung, brown, purple and blue. aku byk sgt color merah and hitam of course. pape barang pun, color hitam mesti ade. haha.

and I need new eyeliner. penting k.

and gotta get new printer. haih.. if only I have all the money in the world.

i have to keep all the receipts. as a reminder brape byk Mama and Abah spent for me. Sabtu ni abah maybe nk gi visit umah sewe kt Arau tu. I dun wanna go yet :[ tp tataw la. mama macam insist. waaa. nk jmpe Isa…

kadang2 aku rase mcm nk stop je. but then. my passion for clothes. haha. hati berdebar2 tgk all the baju and rase mcm nk nangis. like nape baju tu cantik sgt!!!! warghhh. I CAN NEVER STOP! SOOOOOO, tpakse lah aku meneruskannye. zzz.

okay. i gotta go do some updating on Lolly’s. Buhhbyee!

omg,. that was freaking memalukan.

okay. got this call from this uncle, he’s a police dude and tanye ape ntah. aku mcm mamai2 mase tu. tanye pasal the police report I made. then, kul bape ntah, ade lady cop plak call suh datang. wanted to call Shaggy to teman. tp mcm tade mase dah. So i went to the police station at P11 and meet them.

So sesi interrogation bjalan. and guess what. lepas kene tanye btubi2. aku tibe2 nanges.

i know im innocent and that I didnt lie. tapi..

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAA. no explanation on that crying part.

and now aku rase mcm tanak idup da. that was freaking memalukan.

so, THATS why the lady cop been giving me that suspicious look. and aku dtg dgn hati riangnye and mcm wondering jugak nape case aku x tutup2 lagi.*gosh, i take everything mcm so easy*

and lepas gi balai tadi baru mcm terpukul and mcm baru ade common sense dlm otak aku ni. dorang bebel2, and then aku baru mcm sedar how much trouble Im in.

and mcm baru sedar betape suci and naive nye aku ni.. tak terpk lansong they would terpk yg aku wat report palsu sbb nk elak bayar dende. :| kamon. baru smlm lepas wat IC tu aku taw kalau ade report police, IC xyah bayar dende okay. and aku tataw nape aku nangis. which makes everything worst. sbb urat otak aku mcm tputus and aku mcm cakap belit2. lagi la dorang x caye ckp aku. :[

tp aku cube tenang and cite sjujur2nye. aku tataw la dorang caye ke ape. tp aku tlepas la. cume die kate, next time jgn wat lagi. and dorang ckp teruk gile kalau dpt taw aku wat report palsu. patut laaaaaaa byk polis call aku. zzz

okay aku dah pandang rendah kt dorang. maybe dorang bukan goyang kaki je kt pjabat. haha *jk*

and aku wat lawak bodo plak mase polis tu call pagi2 bute tadi. teringat balik, wat aku rase 100 kali tanak hidup. mygod. i keep saying the wrong things, make the wrong jokes at a definitely wrong wrong time.

……………

nasib baik pakcik polis tu mcm sgt sgt reasonable, and die mcm paham aku ni mcm tataw pape. well its kinda obvious yg aku blur gile and wat muke x bsalah padahal dorang da syak aku mnipu lame da. zzzzzzzzz

not the best feeling you know. like ppl dont even know you yet dah judge macam2.

menggeletar aku duk situ. and it shows. sbb mase die bagi aku ketas, ketas tu like goyang2. so terrible! hahahaha.

okay aku takkan pergi balai polis lagi. and okay aku akan simpan baik2 IC ni mcm nyawe aku.

walau sesuci mane pun korang, try avoid pegi balai wat report pasal IC hilang k! sbb kesucian korang bleh tgugat lepas da masuk. bile kua, aku rse mcm aku bukan lagi the same Maliza yg happy and bubbly. hahaha. tetibe rase lame and useless.

At one point aku rase mcm I can do everything by myself. and aku sgt yakin aku sorang yg jujur. which mmg la aku jujur. tp aku mcm baru tersedar. padah MULUT ORG ni. bkn ape. org baik mane pun bleh teranaye sbb pembawakan mulut org. Ya Allah. smoge aku dijauhkan dr org2 mcm tu…

and its very very very very very so very obvious I cant live alone without mama and abah next to me. :’[

takutnye.. aku kene ready awl. not that Im asking dorang utk pergi. tapi I have to face that fact yg they’re not getting younger and that I will have to live alone someday. and betape ramai nye org yg tak ikhlas and ade niat jht kt sekeliling kite. hmmm

oh harini sgt sgt tragic bagi aku. tp yg penting. baju aku dah sampai. baju yg supplier lame gile tu. haha. tp at least duit aku x kene tipu and aku puas ati!

baju lalat pun da smpai, and now tgh tunggu bag. haih..aku nk gi post cpt ni.

and gosh. i want the eyeshadow palette so bad . waaaa.

and i need new tudung. hmm. harap2 minggu ni abah x jadi balik kg. pls pls. aku nk gi beli tudung kt tar. bleh jumpe Isa. hihihihi

*muke gatal*

so tinggal amek IC baru, CORRECT THINGS, pastu gi wat maybank2u online and ATM card and pegi try settle BIMB. hmm.

today is gonna be one of the most happiest one. Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah. aku terselamat dr spend RM100 for new IC. hehe.

So it started off around 1.30PM? er, maybe lagi lambat sikit. hehe. Neway since last Friday aku mcm da booking Shaggy to teman me. Harini plan pegi Balai Polis to file a report bout my missing IC and then pergi JPN, Putrajaya to make new one. LOL LOL.

Tghari tadi x panas sangat. mendung je. the best weather selain hujan is mendung. sbb aku mmg sentiase ke arah kesejukan bebanding kepanasan :|

god. maliza focus! okay this is gonna be like quick update cos i plan to sleep early and its already 2.34AM.

zzzz.

okay. so off we went to Balai.kejap je buat report. and its my 1st time. so mcm agak nervous. hahaha. Customer service kt guard post entrance tu, excellent. tp kt balai itself tempat aku wat report tu. zzzzz. the lady cop macam … i dunno. x friendly. ah x kesah la. janji report aku da lepas. hihi.

then then, around 2.30PM kot?? park kt blakang JPN, and jalan kaki, and aku mcm tekejut and mule lemah smgt sbb tgk ramai gile org. turn out my angke giliran is 556. and aku kene tunggu like lagi sratus org?? zzz. okay tp lepas sembang2 and gelak2 mcm 2 makhluk ape ntah ngn shaggy, mase belalu bgitu pantas. haha. camtu la bile hati senang kan kan.

taw2 je lagi 2 org nk smpai kt number aku. nape ntah. aku tibe2 nervous. bak kate shaggy. kalau aku nervous logic la gak. die pun nervous skali tunggu number, i was like. waddehel! hahaha. okay shaggy ko mmg klaka.

pastu aku seret die gi kaunter. which aku rase kaunter tu da macam akunye sbb kitorang spend lame gak time kt situ bebanding org lain. :|

that friendly dude kt kaunter tnye if im still studying. and isi2 borang sikit, pastu mcm bos die ade kt situ kot. so die mcm ckp ape ntah. n bos dy cakap ngn aku. and tibe2 aku dpt taw aku xyah baya lansung utk my new IC tu, tp just kene smpan the police report betul2. die cite ape MUSIBAHnye kalau aku x simpan and he told me what might happen in the future. OMGGG. scary gile. please please harap2 bende tu x jadi kt aku.

die ckp org boleh beli rumah banglo, beli kete 10 bijik, mintak loan kt bank bjuta2, just by using my IC. *okay aku yg tambah statistik tu utk wat cite lagi mnarik*

so disebabkan aku sgt mengenali diriku yg sgt lah clumsy and cemerkap and takkan igt kt mane aku simpan barang penting. balik uma tadi aku cite kt mama everything *and mcm biase, mama dgn high-pitched note die tu, membebel sikitt, but then die nampak relieved sbb aku da setelkan sume mende*. yes! aku da besa k. even aku still mengharapkan org teman, *thanks shaggy!!*, kalau tpakse, aku ble je gi sorang. saje kan nk manje2 ngn shaggy. hahaha

andd so, mama simpankan report tu. simpan baik2 k ma. tu mase depan liz!

okay. lepas tu Shaggy da komplen2 lapa. zz. ktorang gi BK. ntah camne. tibe2 ktorang dpt 3 burger. hahaha. omg. seriously. petang harini rase mcm kejap je mase bjalan. i mean, everything macam tjadi cepat je. *tu tande2 nk dekat kiamat ye*

so abeskan burger, try gi Secret Recipe sbb dah lame bniat nk belikan Abah that Lamb Pie. tapi smpai harini x termakbul2 lagi. turn out SR kt Alamanda tutup. kinda weird. so ktorang headed to Presint Diplomatik tu sbb kt sane ade SR gak. tp tutup gak. and nasib baik la blakang tu ade like taman bukit2 lawa taw. so kitorang photoshoot kt sane. mule2 bdue je. pastu call Syahmi and Wanie dtg. well, i dont really expect mcm they both akan datang mule2. sbb it was mcm sudden and time tu pun da nk maghrib kan. thanks so much for ur time guys! especially SyahmiSuhaimi sbb tlg amekkan gmba kami.. die mcm xbrape cerie arini sbb baru baik demam.

so aku amek gmba, panjat2 bukit smpai bepeluh tpancut2 mcm ape ntah dlm baju. god.

so balik lah kami. mmg time tu pun baru Maghrib rasenye. oh! lupe lak. mase kitorang baru smpai BK Alamanda, aku dpt call, tapi nk call balik taleh sbb poor reception kt BK tu. mcm dlm utan.. zzz.

then dpt msg from my bag courier ckp nk anta barang. tp mase aku dpt call, die da odw gi KL da.. waa. sedey. tkilan sikit. tp besok pagi die kate die akan dtg lagi. emm, tapelah. aku yakin ade hikmah utk setiap kebetulan and kejadian.

Syukur gile2 aku save like RM150 harini. tu pasal gi makan besa pastu. haha.

no no. this is for my saving. tibe2 aku mcm nk sgt sgt sgt beli 120 eyeshadow pallete. ntah camne smlm tjumpe this one business page kt FB. and aku trus nk beli. demm!! you know, im that kind yg kalau aku bkenan, x kesa la ape, aku mesti nak and dptkan gak. despite the fact, aku mungkin akan bosan dgn bende tu lepas 2 kali gune or sumting. gosh. that one kene change ok maliza.

MAYBE aku akan beli. tp kalau nk beli. I wanna have that fox brushes also.*okay dah dtg da tamak dy* sooooo. skang tade budget for that lagi. sbb byk sgt bende nk beli utk masuk study ni. so just incase la kan.

okay. hopefully tomorrow is gonna be a better day for everyone. Im off to bed. nytee!

one of my Criminal Minds’  fav quote;

Sometimes, the best is not enough. But that doesn’t mean that you have to give anything less.

SO FRIGGINN TRUEE. ok goodnight :]

Sebelum tu, these are some of the photos that we took today,

hey i kinda like how my shawl looks like from behind!

Datin the Moy.

LOL! we look so retarded!

they make me panjat alone.

with Shazwani the Lawyer Lady. hehe

the Abg Kacak! thanks thanks !!

*the resized picture taleh upload kt FB. maybe too small? i dunno :|*