JustMarl

It is scarily true! tade mood nk update post lately. haih. but intersession been reallyyy boring it kills. so rutin harian adalah menyapu lantai, basuh baju *almost hari2 sbb bosan sgt*, reke recipe baru sbb suprisingly ktorang*me and my housemate* tak kluar rumah lansung since Jumaat. haha. gladly die mcm aku jugak la. mcm x rajin kua sgt melainkan terpakse. We kinda rely on each other sbb dah ktorang bdue je ade kan. x kesah la kalau sblum tu ade konflik ke ape. tolak tepi dulu. tp aku pun tataw nape ade certain org tu terlampau negative and suke sgt amik taw hal org lain. bukan taleh, its good la nak amik taw mcm aku bawak laki masuk umah, pastu org sblah sebok2 ke ape kan. tp ni mcm amek taw mnde yg tade kaitan ngn die pun. tp die plak susah2 hati. haihhh. kalau brani, tegur la depan2..

anyway. xyah bad mood sbb org cmtu. zzz. so arini aku tibe2 rase mcm aku kene update gak ZheMarleey even dah janji aku update only lepas dah register kt SSM. tp lame sgt la. dgn sbb bosan sgt, aku rase baik aku amek order. and Alhamdulillah, last Friday dah abis Test 1 for Risk Management, and gladly lecturer aku baik giles, ktorang nye Test 1 open book

oh. utk sape2 yg wondering, Day 8 tu aku nye project rahsie. haha. okay x rahsie sgt.Dah 8 hari x makan nasik. yay! x saba tunggu next yearr!

im coming back okay. I am.  aku just harap aku jadi lebih kuat and berani to confront it bile mase tu dah sampai. cos ill be foolin myself kalau ckp bende tu xkn jadi. I know it would. just the matter of when. so harap2nye WHEN tu takkan went terribly awkward or has bloody ends.

Dear Allah, thanks for the opportunities and chances to get this far. aku taw aku slalu lupe. SELALU SGT ok. tp biase la. sbb aku taw aku hambe yg sgt laaa lemah and kadang2 malu dgn diri sndri sbb tlampau jahil and tlalu gilekan nikmat dunie.

well, aku tade plan yg too detail on my life mcm org lain. cos aku tanak tlalu mngharap. bukan tanak, tp mcm da tade hati pun nk plan2 nih. omg. aku rase mcm soul aku dah mati. …

kalau btul ade such thing as vampire. please. ID LOVE TO BECOME ONE.

sbb aku dah taw aku nk gi gigit sape. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

aiyo. living with the guilt, and terkilan, and pain. sgt sgt torturing ok. smpai ade mase mcm rase nk mati je. senang cite, the most terrible feeling is heartache. KOT. for me it is.

kalau dulu im looking forward utk bgn every day, sbb nk taw ape akan jadi besok and besok. tak saba. with all the plans, excited gile! tp skang, aku tido, dgn harapan esok cpt dtg, sbb aku taleh tunggu da nk abeskan sehari. sehari seems too long. felt like forever.

and aku nk cpt tua, harap2 sempat visit sume places kt dunie ni dlu sblum ak mati.and aku nk cpt jadi wise, nk jadi sorang yg lagi penyaba. nk taw sgt2, if Allah has a better plan for me maybe?

em.

nk wish dulu birthday someone on next month. date yg aku nk sgt lupe tp taleh. and nk wish pun dah taleh. harap2 mase tarikh tu aku tlampau busy smpai x teringat. sbb aku tanak igt..

so Happy Birthday. pape pun die wat, aku harapkan yg terbaik utk die even yg terbaik bg die tu mcm paling teruk skali bagi aku. haha. tapelah. its fated this way. Ive made the decision so no turning back ok? Smoge Allah lindungi die slalu, and smoge die happy and bahagie in whatever die wat. amin..

Lepas ni, tade jelly2 mushy2 feeling. aku kene kuat, andddd duit come first. err. I mean after family. family tu mcm mmg wajib la 1st. so duit mcm the 2nd first. okay!

I can do this. tade mase dahh. the time will come bile mase tu aku akan sorang2 and sume mende aku sorang kene handle. Mama and Abah wont stick around forever, even aku sgt2 harap they would.. reality is aku akan ttp sorang2 nanti. harap2 aku ready for everything. it just sometimes bile pkkan mase depan, pk aku akan tua, and mama abah akan lagi tua, akan sakit. aku rase mcm takut la. sbb cpt sgt… aku rase mcm aku x sempat wat pape pun lg utk dorang.. and takut sbb takut x sempat..

I love you Mama, Abah.

alamek. tlupe. nape post aku pasal past? sbb mase final aritu… aku terserempak dgn someone. someone from my past. tp not that important, cume die rapat dgn the one yg used to be important to me. so aku mcm terkesima jap. haha. sbb his face doesn’t change. so.. probably his pun same..mule2 aku nampak die kt mushroom. like skali pandang, aku trus kenal. of course la. org2 mcm ni aku takkan leh lupe. tp sbb nk cpt, aku tak tgk lame2, and mcm tekjut sbb cmne die leh dtgg sini? haha. dlm byk2 UiTM. zzz. so the 2nd time nmpak kt examination hall. so aku dah sure its him.

anyway. aku tak wat pape pun. just gazing and tenung die lame2 mcm bleh bace soul die. haha. dats all yg aku mampu wat. zzz

ok bye! aku rase mcm tade motif la nk update ni. tp terase mcm kene update sbb da lame sgt. zzz

Greetings everyone

well, I cant remember when was the last post been published. lama sgt. So Im so through with the final, and I went back home on the 11th? ah, Farahain followed me back home for the penangguhan and pengurangan MARA. and we did settled everything on the 1st day at home. the next day, took passport picture for my driving license, and sekejap gile my license dah siap!! awesome. and and, my passport picture is kindaaa prettyyy jugak. harharharharhar!

then the next next day, we went to Bukit P11, Saujana Hijau I think?, then went to the Pullman Lake for photoshoot session. this time with Tia. She came all the way from Ampang sbb nk hantar kunci rumah sewe cos Ill be returning earlier than her. The Broga plan tepakse dipostponed, but I kinda made a promise to myself that I will do it again next time when I have the chance.

OH!! kete x dpt dibawak ke Arau sbb aritu eksiden. taya kete meletopss. tapi it was cool sbb aku berjaye tuka taya tanpe bantuan sape2 ok!! tp last minute ade pakcik nek moto benti sbb kesian, tp aku dah nk siap tuka taya da. pandai pakcik tu wat2 nk tolong last2 minute.. mesti da skodeng dr jauh  

gmba aku tuka taya dgn cool gile ade kt tia, nanti aku da amek aku upload ok!

being with someone yg suke act like they know EVERYTHING, mmg agak membebankan at times. Lame2 jadi bosan and semakin hilang sabar. and clearly SORRY tu dah tade value for you, so xyah botherr sayin it nemore. cos next time I wont be stupid enafff to believe ur stupid lies okay! Hate it when people act like they care when in fact they don’t give a damn at all. Id rather have you being all selfish than pretentious taw tak? You thought you were doing good deeds and lies for the sake of not hurting my feelings. how so? well truth may hurt. but nothings worst than lies. you don’t like me being all fake and lies behind your back kan? So please, Id like you to do the same.

ah! a friend of mine just cite2 masalah peribadi beliau yg ofcos la aku takkan cite sini. cite die agak sedey, tp sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt smiliar ngn cite aku. wow. agak mendebarkan sbb aku taw the girl is about to make the mistake I did. and I wish she really knew how much I wanted to give up everything to do what I did, differently. haih…

Don’t make the same mistake ok!! nanti menyesal x kesudah.

It shud be my 2nd day of intersesi class, tp aku tpakse x dtg harini because tade transport. sob2.

Dunno what to expect, sbb mood tade nk gi klas and tgk buku balik. zzzz. and to face the final AGAIN? mcm. urgh. pengsan.

x saba nk pindah. sbb kalau bleh, I don’t want to be anywhere near Putrajaya. EVER.

its okay. the time will come. I should be glad I don’t really have to be there and tunggu mase tu dtg. aku just tunggu dr Arau. haha. zzz

bile aku nk ade perut mcm the bunch of girls from Hellcats tu? dem!!! too good too be true. trust me, its all fake. they used body spray ok.

I feel bad sbb letupkan taya kete, but hikmahnye, I get new tires and a radio! *yg aku nk sgt and dah tunggu like forever*. HARHARHAR

too bad kete tuka sume mase hari aku nk balik Arau. so x sempat rasmikan radio tu lagi. saba ea. tunggu I balik syg!

Ryan Star – Losing Your Memory

I have 3 more papers left. yep. one is gonna be lusa, the next two are gonna be on the 9th and 10th. omg. kejap je lagi nk balik. I can’t wait !

ouh. baru teringat. kalau betul aku akan buat shortcourse. it means aku tak dapat attend Isa’s sister engagement day. cos its gonna be on june. omg!! tak prasan.. sorry awk, I’d probably couldn’t make it..but if I could, I’ll let you know okeng?! I wanted to go too. Nak pakai kasut baru~ and get to know his friends. hmmm. nervous same mcm nk attend exam. weeeeeeiirdd~

so selagi aku blum bayar yuran, belum sure lagi aku nk buat ke tak. tapi most probably aku akan buat kot. considering most of my group members pun nk buat jugak. nt tak buat, tade kawan pulok next sem!

Eh. asalnye nk cite pasal betape nervous nye aku utk the last 3 papers, tapi nampak nye nervous ni still insufficient utk mengmotivatekan diri aku utk study. sbb rasenye mood honeymoon get the best of me already.

argh. my room is so damn hot. kalau aku dpt bawak kete balik sini lepas cuti sminggu after exam ni, aku nk bawak lagi satu kipas. my brain could not work in this kind of heat. demm. metabolism aku pun benti abess. x function. hmm.

neway, had nasik harini! yay. kirim nasik goreng Paprik. Alhamdulillah. terkenyang gile suda. sbb bgn2 tido tadi bantai roti ngn telo 2 bijik. abes la kolestrol aku. hmmm.

neway, I shud really start reading. so later peeps. bye!

OMG! today passed reallyyy slowwwllyyyy. Im starving. cos its day 2 of no rice. hmm. Got another 3 papers left. hey! sbenanye kejap je 2 minggu tu.. rase mcm baru smlm mengeluh2 sbb lambat lagi nk balik. hehe. Lately, aku rase mcm mmg aku spend most of my time with myself. Main game. Facebooking. sleeping. er. hafway streaming 17episodes of TheVampireDiaries, and I just couldn’t stop watching. So yeah. lepas penat tgk, aku pun tido. I did everything but touch the book. biase la. sbb gap 4 hari kan. harharhar. tp ade 2 subject yg tade gap. so no comments!

anywayss, makin nk balik makin rase tanak buat shortcourse. tp no turning back. kalau dah baya kene pegi. huu. yeah, I felt reluctant to go, but it felt right. maybe it’s a right decision. and maybe ade hikmah sume ni. positive skit k!

ok. I really have to sleep early harini. tanak hari2 mendatang dengan kemalasan sedemikian, and dah la malas, asek makan roti ngn telo je, pastu tido je. argh. ok goodbye!

*bosannye blog tade pic. saba kk. cuti sem. hehe

yep! that’s today’s exam paper. gosh. harder than I thought! hate remembering all those processes. sume pun kene ade process. well if I were the manager or supervisor, Id be to damn busy to even bother following the processes.

but hati abit lega since org yg pandai2 pun kate susah. ehehehehhe. so tade pape harapan. JUST lulus pls.

kejap je, taw2 je tinggal lagi 3 paper. tehee. tak saba nk balik!

I miss you Mama! and Abah of course. and Patrick! and Mama’s ikan keli asam pedas. *drools*

balik nanti nk cubet2 patrick cmni!

tetibe mcm dilemma, whether I should go on for the shortcourse or tayah. sbb mcm hati ni berat sgt nk dtg Arau balik. sobsob.

I don’t think Im gonna kerja, but nak cepat2 register SSM dulu, then do some seriousss business!!

…

people keep using and take my stuffs. yg mintak izin tu okay. yg tak tu. hmmmm.

gotta get my own basket just for my stuff. sbb barang bercampur2. org pun tak prasan sgt barang sape. hmmm

tapelah. anggap sedekah k! jgn bkire sgt! sbb aku kan divaa. divaa mmg suke wat amal2 jariah ni. zzz

bought an AirWick  for my tiny room. tadi nantok sgt sbenanye. bukak2 perfume tu, dah tido like half an hour, bangun with sakit hidung sbb the wangi is too kuat.. tpakse letak kt luar. cheh. tapi tapelah. janji bilik aku bau wangi~ it reflects much on the tuan bilik you know~ huhuh

anyway. harini azam nk tido awal. got 4 days gap before the next paper, tp lepas tu ade like 2 paper bturut2. so yeah. gotta wake up early morn tomorrow and start planning! zz ok bye!

its been awhile now.. that id stay up awake, till dawn. and all the memories keep flashing back..

why do I still care?

I just want to stop remembering them. that’s all

…

smoge hari2 lepas ni, aku dpt hidup dgn happy and at peace .

Alhamdulillah. lepas 2 hari aku x makan, aku dpt makan kenduri makcik depan umah sewe kitorang ni. err. biase2 je kot. asal dapat makan nasik cukup la. hehe. dr mlm smlm tunggu nasik.. asalnye aku mcm tanak pegi..tp lepas tu Eyda ajak, aku pun tgh lapa gile. aku gi la. mcm gelojoh gile and x pandang org pun. hehe.

tp aku da beli stock roti and telo byk2.. kalau lapa sgt aku makan roti je. I can survive! so selagi boleh, aku takkan mintak tlg sape2. well its not really about EGO. its just that, I need to prove myself, that I can stand on my own feet. I know it wont probably be ALL THE TIMES. but I want to be able to stand incase, you know. you fall hard and you got no one to lend you their hands.

Been streaming Trauma and TheVampireDiaries last 2 days. haih. tgk cite vamp ni mmg syok gile. Arap2 there are real vampires out there, yg who will come and bite me. I wanna get to know hot vamps and join my own vamp clan. like cool gilaa. boleh lompat tinggi. jalan laju. woww! boleh balik umah cpt than naik bas >.<

I have new semangat. that is, pape pun, okay, maybe aku dah bgitaw or dah renew matlamat ni like 12times, tp just that now, rasenye2 bukan pasal aku determine ke x, tp mmg aku tpakse determine. I promised that I wont return to CP. not if tade pape penting. and smlm posted a status ‘What you don’t know cant hurt you’. Abah plak reply ‘its better to know what could hurt you so you could prepare for the worst’. ARGH. walaupun betul, aku cube men-deny kebetulan itu. haha. dem. truth does hurts! anyway, kalau terpk balik, in case aku kene balik CP. aku nk return with style, and I wanna look good. you know. I don’t want to look OBESSED, and messy. I want to show them, that I AM ABSOLUTELY fine. okay maybe it will start sbagai satu penipuan *which im fine tu*, but I believe that if I keep telling myself THAT im fine, I will soon be. so yeah. positive sikit!

and thank you Allah. aku dpt sorang customer yg sgt2 baik and memahami kewangan aku. its not that aku buat mcm ni selalu. ni exception, and it’s the last time yg aku akan wat pun. sbb aritu since yg rumah kene rompak tu, im like so terribly in need of money. so tpakse gune duit cust. tp aku dah baya tadi didn’t tell MAMA bout it, sbb aku nk rase yg aku bleh solve it myself. and I could! yeay me! cume aku kene starve for a week menggantikan RM100 yg aku ganti tu. haih. tape2. balik nanti makan puas2

duit2 duit2. saba2. I will have all the money in the world one day. ! zzz