JustMarl

Alhamdulillah. Im home now. selamat sampai around 9PM tadi. haih. balik sorang2, harini bas full. so it didnt stop kt kedah like it used to. yeaa. Im still sticking with Etika. hehe. sbb die bawak okay. x laju.cume the drivers now getting colder. dah x friendly. hmmmm. mase benti kt RR perak, aku beli 2 kopok. Bika and Cheezels. which aku rase sgt2 membazir. costs me RM4. kalau kt Arau, bleh beli Ayam besa seketul, nasik sebukit, hati, or telor mate. membazirnye…

its someone’s birthday today. I feel kinda bad. terrible. sbb bende yg aku paling nk igt, and janji tanak lupe la, aku akan lupe. maybe sbb same tarikh ngn aku balik. smlm hati riang je spnjng hari sbb due2 klas harini cancel.. so lege sgt,the report and the slides all done, we’re ready for the presentation, tp klas x jadi plak..so dlm mase sehari tu, with the bubbly feeling knowing you will balik tomorrow, buat mcm tgh terbang2. but yeah.. i know. tu bukan alasan..

but really.. I didnt mean to forget.. been waiting for today since last week…besides the terrible feeling Im having. aku tgh headache plak. not sure why. pastu rase tak gune. da la lupe. I couldnt really give him anything pun. nk wish??? sehari dah almost passed by. and aku baru nk wish birthday. okay aku agak segan tadi. tp aku wish jugak..

the touching part for me is that, spnjng mlm smlm we texted and even smpai harini pun text sume, tp die bleh wat mcm tade pe jadi. kalau aku? aku mesti grumpy and moody spjng hari..

so yeah. kinda make me sad in a way that, i wanted his 1st birthday with me to be special sgt. tp tak.

i wish i can be more like someone else..yg thoughtful and considerate. im really sorry that im not THAT.

anyway… the proper wish would be, I hope you'’ll be happy alwaysss, cheerful, emm, bjaye dlm study, get good grades and a good job, and a happy happy family :]

he has been there for me all this while. through my ups and downs. haih. im kinda dissapointed of myself. for being selfish again. rase mcm tak. tp sbenanye aku tersgt selfish. even when i didnt notice it. sorry.

em. moving on!

so i showed mama my bruise resulted from the bloody donation ive made last couple of days. and kene marah :[

mama x bagi derme dah.

tats my gigantic lengan. ignore the hanging fatt everywhere.

teruk rite? haha. x sakit pun. just kinda disappointed with the treatment they gave. they should consider that it might be my 1st time donating the blood. so shouldnt i be treated with care and gentle?? my housemates suh aku pi saman. haha. x sempat pun. this lebam jadi this bad lepas 2 days. org tu pun dah tade kt uitm. and i think this is my 2nd time derme with the lebam timbul after that. showing that the way they cucuk the jarum isnt right. because the previous time, tade lansung kesan. meaning the needle went in right. dah la spray je ubat bius tu. bukan inject. tp die cucuk jarum horizontally! like TIKAM. mygod. i feel the needle going in, and i felt the bedenyut2 lepas needle dlm tu.mmg rase kene tikam. seriously.

anyway. the good thing is that, for the 1st time in my life, my blood pressure punye result is NORMAL. thats kinda rare event considering that Im addicted to caffeine. baru teringat, that dah almost a week aku x  minum neslo because susu kt uma dah abes. so aku buat milo O je. WAH. x penah rase this healthy even the sad part is dpt taw ive gained 5 more KGS. ZZZ

i dont want to talk about tat.

Met this senior in the bus. luckily duk seblah perempuan. lain kali beli seat satu je okay! so sempat sembang2, and since aku tido je spnjng jalan, tade la sembang sgt pun. tapi sempat bagi busines card. hahaha.

and pagi ni spatutnye kua ngn Naguto, but tak jadi. and tibe2 Wani called, asking me tlg pickup Allie yg baru balik dr Indon tu kt KLIA. so okay. pinjam kete abah sbb nasib baik abah balik tgari tadi, rupenye2 kete wira tade sbb anta gi workshop. da pegi sane dgn smgtnye, bsame Iffa and Lalat. nasib baik aku x gi sorang. turn out kene tipu ngn Allie, cis!!die balik isnin kott. kuang asam punye Allie.

nt akan dicerite lebih lanjut for the next post okay! byebyee

PS/ oh. ade org tanye pasal why i deactivate FB.Marl Ahmad is temporary tak active. but ill be back. tade pape pun. just nk focus on Lolly :]

I wish you knew.

=[

past few days been tough. and rough.

AS I expected. harini berlalu dgn sgt cepat. I notice that alott recently. mcm cpt je mase berlalu. mcm baru je gi klas, tibe2 da balik. *okay i lied* time2 ari minggu je rase mcm mase blalu cpt. haha. dlm kelas rase mcm forever. especially subject kire2. zzzz

At least, aku bjaye basuh baju and cadar. lipat belum. er. notes belum. err.gosok baju belum.

OMG!! aku watpe je arini!!

….

bgn. makan. mandi. basuh baju. makan. pegi orange. beli ayam and nasik. kuah banjir. tp x sedap. sbb sambal tade. just a combination of sambal belacan and kuah kurma. emm. x sedap.

more like tawar. so x berape puas *even nasik licin* zzzz

Having trouble sleeping. sbb had too much coffee. aku pandang rendah kt kopi kapal api tu. color mcm x pekat pun mase buat. tp mmg KAWWW.

i need to sleep early sbb even Isa kejut subuh, aku x bgn pun. ….

PLEASE! tanak ade bad dream arini.

budak rumah da tido.

tadi dorang kua dinner kul 9 kot. kul 12am baru balik! aku risau gile. igt kene kidnap. call hp x dpt dihubungi ape sume. haha. dala aku sorang kt uma! Alhamdulillah, they went back home safee and soundd.

feels soo different without that loudddddd one around. rase lagi tenang. and at peace. we should do this more often.

haih..

Im avoiding few people lately. at times, rase rindu sgt. of course rindu. almost like siblings. but they seems so busy. mcm not sure nk kacau ke x. i know i know. probably they’re thinking the same bout me, sbb tu x nk kacau jugak kot…

ntah la.

>.<

i hope aku still diingati by few people, even aku tade la rase aku penting gile.

just , i hope they knew that aku sntiase igt dorang. and rindu!

and sntiase doakan dorang happy, and that sume urusan dipermudahkan.

amin..

Hey everyone! so last night was my 1st night without that 2 around. As I mentioned before, they went back to KL and JB.

It was crazyy night. abis SS ngn Isa, I still couldnt sleep. so teringat that 2mugs of coffee yg aku minum for dinner :|

sooooooooo, aku mcm notice ade byk those TINY BUGS color itam atas katil Tia, i guess it fell lepas kene spray and notice byk jugak kt katil ktorang..

goshthats why badan gatal2. so I decided, heyyyyyyyy!still aku taleh tido, why not aku gi basuh all the cadar and baju skali.and it was 2.50AM!!! so, bese jela. WAWA and Mira tido sbilik sbb dorang takut. aku tade la brani sgt, but id rather sleep on my own cadar and im sure my bantal busuk akan ganggu dorang. haha. lepas tu mase pegi kt dapo, tibe2 mcm 5 eko binatang yg hari2 sbelum ni ktorang asek try bunuh tapi it just wont die :|

even spray, die just mcm pening2 and pengsan tp idup lagi, up to 4 days!!! dem.

so bende tu mcm terbang secare brutal and just terbang like EVERYWHERE, so aku taleh expect die nk terbang mane, kang tibe2 die sesat dlm rambut aku, so dgn tgh pegang getah yg paip air tu, lari2 nk masuk bilik and tinggalkan kt tempat study. dgn sabun dah letak atas baju, tp x sempat nk basuh sume. haha. penakut..

then i had trouble sleeping.. pastu dpat the weirdesttttttttttt dream of all. aku mimpi i deliver 2 BABIES!! kt umah, atas lantai, sbb x sempat gi hospital. dah la baru taw aku ade 2 baby mase nk branak tu. so weird.

like mule2 kua sorang, then my mom cakap, oh wait! ade lagi sorang. :|

it was scary sbb aku tibe2 rase mcm ade byk baby dlm perot ak. mygod.

and tibe2 je tbgn sbb Isa call kejut subuh and aku rase mcm nk nanges sbb baru je deliver 2 babies. and I told him. die pun dgn mamai2, cakap, tape, tu baby kite.

WHAT!

aisjdaiosjdiasojdsianjdjiasncm

and aku bangun lewat gile arini. around 11.30AM. so made myself toasts and milo ais. hmm! agak2nye aku akan gi orange ke x? rindu nasik ngn ayam…tp malas mandi….

:|

so. we’ll see. zz

I lovee everything that has anything to do with managing the human resources. well tu sebab la aku amek course HR. hehe. Aku sgt sgt men-underestimated kan most of the reading subject utk sem ni. turn out, IT IS pretty hard. dulu at least bace pun aku paham. ni mcm, spend soo much time on just 1 paragraph pun mcm lame gile nk paham. the terms susah :[

semester ni, ade 1 subject, JUST about staffing and recruiting. tooooo many processes yg steps die nk kene igt. and paling penting, lecturer die hott. tapi, subject ni je yg ktorang x dpt satu group sbb kononnye die nk encourage the diversity. :|

org lain mcm bising2 tanak, tp my feelings mcm all mixed up jugak. maybe its a good opportunity for me to get to know other people. KOT. padahal abit nervous. just harap2 sume jenis buat keje. and kalau leh tanak ade laki. haha. laki taw show off power je. tp keje cacai marbai. hahaha. –> bahse ABG PALI( our PerformanceManagement’s Lecturer – Fazly)

Lifes getting harder and harder. I feel like quitting ALL the time. lol. bukan quit study. tp mcm. nk quit being nice. Im not that nice, I know. But Im trying. nk pleases everyone tu mcm impossible. I really think kite taleh salu sgt spend time dgn org yg kite salu jumpe. Sometimes kite mcm kene ade time for ourselves jugak. At times, aku just rase tanak cakap. better aku diam dr aku sakitkan ati org lain. TOOO bad. other people dont think the same.

Someone just get on my nerves. pretty frequent. tataw smpai bile aku leh saba. aku still taleh trime die cakap “aku buat mcm tu sbb menghormati maliza?'” WTF. honestly. die pk camtu ke?

…

Byk sgt seminar ktorang kene handle. and someone told me aku layak jadi the PR. well, aku tade la rase aku layak. tp aku rase the job can be done. mmg la rase mcm takut sgt if x jadi. but thats something yg org normal mmg patut risaukan since Im being accountabled for that.

Aku rase agak bersemangat pegi klas, tp asek demotivated sbb bilik air ade satu yg kene kongsi  7 org and things get nasty bile sume org klas kul 8 :|

bile lambat, biase la kan. rase mcm tade mood dah. sume nk kene cpt sbb nk catch up.

Had a terrible day semalam. Thankful that I survived. but harap2 xyah go through that kind of shit in the future.

when things go bad, mmg mcm SEMUE bende pun x kene.

and sgt susah bile ade sorang ni yg sgt full of negativity. Sume bende perlu dikomplen. aku sindri busy pujuk ati to stay motivated then there she comes, throwing all that negative vibes around. Being an assertive and a friend at the same time. NO EASY task. u have to stay firm and hold on to your own decisions,but u need to say NO to your friend in order to do that. paham x???its not easy taw nak cakap, NO I DONT LIKE THAT, NOT I DONT WANNA GO. sbb biasenye kite akan cube please ur friends, lagi2 yg hari2 bsame tu. maybe aku still mcm x reti sgt nk tolak dgn terpalingggg lembut. but Ill keep learning.

aku nak jadi mcm stgh org, yg senang je tolak pape, tapi with that attitude yg org respect decision die even maybe terase sikit, tp mcm you dont really mind.

and im still learning untuk stand for my thoughts. not really easy sbb lain org lain care pk die, and sume org pun nk org lain ikut die. hmmm

i just hope semester ni cpt2 end..

duduk sini, aku blaja gune mesin basuh manual. and im pretty good at it. haha. 1st time ok! so mcm bangge sikit.

too bad gas still x beli. tataw nk beli katne. *bleh je pegi ronde2 cari or tanye org* tp nk gi bsembang ngn pacik depan uma pun mcm tade mase. haha.

and hari2 aku makan nasik sekali je. tp mcm x gune gak sbb aku amek mcm makan utk 4kali. zzzzzzz

baju da ketat. aku masih melebar. which is a damn bad news. sbb i have this desire to do another thing. tp kene kurus dulu baru leh wat. x saba! Isa is gonna be soo proud of me :]

his birthday coming up. and Im not sure die suke ape. :[

and im not really that type yg suke wat surprise ke ape, and everytime i tried, die jadi xsurprise da. haha.

rindu nk balik ruma. woo. besok eyda ngn tia, my roomates balik KL. sbb si Tia nk wat surprise bf die. eyda mmg suke balik. so i would not comment on that. so, aku sorang je la besok. >.<

kene make use hari tu dgn sgt sgt berfaedah. nanti nyesal !

its the 3rd day of class. harini class ade satu je tapi tu pun cancel. dpt taw cancel pas da smpai sane. sobsob.

Semalam ade la 2 class kot yg lecturer dah masuk. The last class for semalam is class Personal Development. Dpt taw yg kitorang kene held a seminar and organize a kerja amal. It was all okay and mcm exciting. The only sad part is aku dpat taw plak bende tu kemungkinan besar kt Penang. The last place that I would ever go. I kinda wish that I would not have to step my feet anywhere in Penang. Something to do with my past. Hopefullyyy we dont really have to go there.

Its Sunday dah. haha. lame gile postpone nk update blog. emm,  not that busy lately, cume i dont have the PRIVACY nak update. susah kalau sume org asik dalam the same bilik. nothing much yg brubah. at least aku rase mcm tu la pasal diri ak. just notice someone else tu agak degil. or, susah nk mengalah. on certain things. okay, aku x kesah mengalah. but i have my own ego jugak. so kalau aku x puas ati. tpakse la tgk aku wat muke buruk tu. haha.

Class rasenye okay kot. wat aku x saba nk lagi cepat tua. Harini birthday Tia. Smlm tgk cite reality show Korea ngn die. haha. berbunge2 hati den. kalau la btul ade laki mcm tu.. romentikk gile. ade this scene pompan tu pakai mcm baju longgar2 nampak bahu. laki tu cant stand it,die tarik baju tu naik. pastu tanye nape pakai cmni. sexy sgt. awww. hes jealous.Couple smlm tu mcm total cutenesss. tableh tahan tgk. both comel gile. hmm. as for malay guys??(most of them) die lagi suke awek die x pakai baju. lagi2 kalau hot, confirm show off kt kawan2.

I didnt get much attention from anyone lately. well maybe except for Nua. But tu x dikire la kot sbb its not him i want the attention from. Die tataw blog ak, even fb. so rasenye tape aku letak name die. haha. Die kt bangi skang. hopefully die dpt cari keje cpt and smoge relationship ngn bapak die makin okay. em. pape pun. die tetap bapak ko ..just tanak ko nyesal bile die tade nanti..

makin ramai kawan2 aku yg dah btunang and nk kawen. jealous and excited and cemas utk dorang even dorang  mcm rilek gile. aku yg panic lebih. haha.teruje denga cite2 dorang. macam dorang da matang sgt. and suke denga pasal tunang dorang kua ngn  parent die ke ape. mcm. waa..rapatnye dorang.. =’]

ak? x ramai kawan laki yg berani nk jumpe parent. so far yg dah jumpe, and seems da biasee ckp ngn org tue. sorang je. lol. you know who you are. bende tu penting bagi aku. tp utk die x la. sbb rase nye idup sbgai ‘dia’, mmg kene slalu berdepan ngn mak2 bapak org nih. kalau aku pun jumpe mak bapak org, mesti akan mcm trying to hard nk impress or at leastt get that good impression on that 1st meeting. tp die mcm dah biase. die just nampak comfortable and relax je and natural. admire sgt kt die. sbb aku rase dlm byk org aku kenal, die antare yg termatang :]

Classes been okay so far. Isnin, Selase agak full. and hari2 aku makan skali je sbb malas nk kua malam tu. biase la. girls kan. nk mandi kene cpt2, pastu kene pakai tudung, make up. sejak terkene Bang Bang Boom, nk pegi pasa malam pun aku rase aku kene prepare. sbenanye aku ni selebet je orgnye. tp mane taw incase bende camtu jadi lagi. *ARGHH-everytime teringat rase mcm nk bunuh diri*, aku dah prepare la this time. haha. So skali beli kt kedai biase yg aku suke tu . Gerai ORANGE. not sure nape orang panggil cmtu. tp hati sambal die mmg terbaik. bleh tharu pas makan.

Im sure Im gonna miss Arau bile dah abis nanti :’]

oh terkenangkan pasal the news yg cuti sem akan dilanjutkan smpai 4bulan. Ramai yg x suke. ME? aku rase okay je. hehe. I will focus more on Lolly kot. Kalau betul la cuti slame tu, aku igt nk set up a blogshop utk Lolly. It's about time. cume skang aku still in ‘getting-use’ punye mood, maybe some other time.

Alhamdulillah. barang pre-order kali ni mcm x susah nk collect. sbb sorang yg order, die beli bykk. so mcm cpt dpt collect 10. and thanks to Eyda ngn Tia yg try jugak beli dr aku. hehe. Sbb nk promote, aku kire murah jela. If they like the quality, dorang beli lagi kot. InsyaAllah.

target sem ni. em x tinggi pun. aku nk try change sikit. especially pasal habit yg suke menangguh2 keje. hopefully ade positive effect kt result. hmm. >.<

Lol. housemates sume tgh demam AJL. aku x tgk sbb busy updating Lolly. I wont have much time on weekdays. so yeah. hahaha.

Oh ckp pasal rumah. okay je sume. tak igt if aku da cite ke belum, mesin da ade, tv da bleh tgk, peti ais pun okay :] . maybe besok dah leh start masak. or probably next week, sbb mlm ni baru tong gas sampai. and maybe pegi pasar on weekends je. tanak susakan pemilik kete. hehe. it’d be great if aku ade kete sindri now. >.<

Neway. Molly ade kt umah. so ak pun tade mood sgt nk update. sorry tade gmba for a while. balik nanti insyaAllah aku bawak Molly dtg arau. :]

goodbyee

hey everyone! so aku selamat sampai kt Arau semalam. Alhamdulillah. I feel so bad. and yep. stress jugak. ala.. you know la parent kan. mcm dorang takut aku tinggal2 barang, so dorang mcm asek2 tanye macam2 tu ni. but now that aku mcm dah relax skit. mcm teringat balik our last conversation. I feel so bad.. :[

How could I treat them like that. haih. Im a bit dissapointed kt diri sendiri. rase mcm anak tak kenang budi pun ade. Im really sorry Ma, Abah. just that, yep. I have a little of anger issue. aku bukan la that type yg akan scold org balik depan muke org. just that aku mungkin akan tunjuk through my acts. macam aku masamkan muke ke, or jawab sjibik2. OMG.

:[

they have put up with me like too much. :[

sbyk2 aku tanak mengaku and deny so hard. rasenye its time aku kene terime hakikat yg aku smemangnye anak manje.

Harini mama abah shopping byk bende utk aku. happy mase dpt barang tu. tapi lepas tu rase mcm… ade beban kt bahu aku. barang2 ni. sekecik2 mane pun, PLUS duit banje sume. ade makne yg sgt besar okay. like sgt sgt besa. barang2 aku dpt tu, came with a PRICE yg aku kene bayar balik nanti. I just have to keep remembering that. Not sure bout dekan anymore. sbb ade subject kire2. =[ yes I have a good feeling utk sem yg baru start ni. but tiap2 sem aku rase cmtu :|

so that feeling taleh di applied kan dlm case ni. but I think I just need to maintain my pointer.

This is my first time duk dlm rumah sewe..Im pretty nervous and mcm tataw ape nk expect.

but I heard some of the common conflicts or issues yg biase jadi bile duk dlm rumah sewe ni kan. I just hope I would not have to go through any of that.

Abah and Mama dah odw balik ni.. maybe smpai rumah around 3AM camtu? Ya Allah. Lindungilah mereke dr bahaye and smoge dorang slmt smpai.. Amin..

Aku harap harap sgt. aku bleh jadi sorang yg lebih lebih lebih penyabar and boleh tolerate ngn org without being any less-assertive.

Aku bukan jenis yg boleh tegur org direct, satu sebab aku selalu pk yg, masing2 dah besar. ade otak. some of common sense tu aku rase, sume org leh pk sindri… so… just harap aku mampu la jage diri.

I know he’ll always be there for me :]

Sebenarnye.. mase aku try mintak..aku x expect die akan bagi pinjam.. sbb amount tu kinda BESA jugak..but turn out, die bagi pinjam dgn sukehatinye, and cepat plak tu.. :[

tharu sgt.

mekaseh syg…for trusting me. I paid RM100. but hutang another RM100. ni sume nk cover duit mama bagi utk blanje kt Arau. kene la tunjuk barangnye ade. *sbb incident purse hilang aritu, kene pinjam duit org utk cover duit hilang sbb tanak bgtaw Mama*

haih..hopefully Lolly dpt sambutan byk. I really need the money..:[

harap2 die blajar tul2. sbb tanggungjawab die besa okay. nk kene sare aku nanti. so mestila aku expect dy dpt keje bagus! hm! make me proud baby!!

so sorry gamba tade sbb last2 I decided maybe aku xyah pegang Molly dulu. Sbb kt depan uma sewe ktorang ni mcm ade construction area. ramai indon2 kan. takut barang hilang.. bukan like ade proper almari ke ape.. gune yg almari kanvas je..so maybe aku nk biasekan diri dulu duk sini, then tgk cmne. tape. bulan 2 nanti cuti Tahun Baru Cine :]

Sikit nyesal and rase bsalah ngn Abg bulat. sbb dr cuti sem nk jumpe ak. xterjumpe2. bukan ape.time mcm x kene everytime die ajak kua. okay maybe if I try harder, boleh je jumpe. tp macam malas pun ade. >.< sorry abulat…

couldnt afford to hilang anything for now. GOSH maliza. you need to blajar how to jaga ur stuffs okayyy!!!

besok klas pagi… emm. nt kene mintak duit buku plak lagi kt mama…:[

I have this weird headache bangun je tido petang tadi. demm. blik ni panas gile time tgari sbb matahari mcm depan tingkap ktorang je. haha. kul 8 da tjage sbb panas. harap2 this is a good thing. tade la tlajak tido.

I definitely kene nap now. sbb pening. bye~