JustMarl

a bad day. buku RM65 hilang. mane aku nk cekau duit?siap utang kt Allie RM50 sbb beli makanan2 skit. pastu plakk nk kene refund duit customer 2 org (around RM90) sbb barang tade and dorang tanak tunggu dah. terime kasih. duit kt cimb ade RM40 je.

even da terpakse msg Mama mintak duit banje tadi, mama maybe bagi RM150 je. meaning, sume aku akan gune skali gus. and tade baki lansung.

sakit nye hati..sakit hati sbb buku tu ilang. ok la fine buku ilang. tp notes? bkn sehari 2 aku spend time wat notes tu…

mane ade mase dah nk wat…

ok bleh blame mase2 tluang slame ni yg aku x buat pape.

okay fineee

sume salah aku.

ok. in a positive punye side. maybe jadi camni sbb nak aku lebih hati2 and alert next time spaye barang x ilang lg.

maybe mende ni jadi sbb nk aku kurus kot, pasni xdpt beli nasik salu dah..

mende ni jadi sbb nk bg aku kuat sbb aku nanges ari2 maybe Dia igt aku ngade2 sgt..

rase nk quit.. seriously.. nk quit sgt2…

:[

felt useless, devastated, torn, crushed.

on top of tat, arini aku still repeat one of the things yg aku dah janji tanak jadi..tp ter’jadi’ gak sbb x dpt kawal diri. so tu tambah lagi kekecewaan thadap diri sindri. mende kecik camtu pun taleh wat.

untung la kalau rapat ngn Mama/Ibu, watever ur called ur mother. sbb time2 cmni it’d be good to be able to share with someone :’]

tapelah. the less she know, the better.

the less i know the better.

its all fated this way. jgn putus ase kay? SHIT just happened. really. RANDOMLY, and tanpe belas kesian kt sape pun die nk kene. so tape. keep your head held high, and just accept it with open heart. Allah janjikan something yg lebih baik atas sesuatu kehilangan tu.

aku rase. mende ni jadi spaye aku rase kerdil and bersyukur. skurang2nye mungkin aku diingati.

Mule2 skali ak lapa. mane ade tanak makan or diet k..

hmm ade la sbb2 tetentu.

couldn’t call mama sbb aku tekad tunggu mama bank in sindri and aku xnk mintak2 dah

presentation for ptg tadi was a mess. not my presentation. tp sgt2 simpati kt kawan2 yg da present . adekah nasib aku akan same cmtu? waaaaaaaaaa

*xleh btaw kenape and sbject pe- kontroversi nt*

oaskdoakdaokmdkasdmaskd

starting tadi pun dah agak bad mood sbb smpai lambat. seriously. i need a car.

:[

minggu depan test hari2 tp rilek je. minggu ni baru start revise. haha. ape la nk jadi.

em. nantok. harap tido menghilangkan kelaparan. nt nk bgn awl skit sbb wat notes. lege sbb dah hari rabu :’]

PS/ bukan niat nk mengungkit, but it is hard for me as well sbb aku x reti la mende2 cmni.

Hey! hows everyone doin?

Im having slight headache. and strain eye. maybe sbb spend wayy too much time infront of the lappy. My day is okay. Just okay. Nothing special. Mama cooked Ayam Kurma for dinner. Dah lame x makan.. Theres this week, almost hari2 mama masak Ayam Kari. I feel like puking everytime tgk kuah tu. HAHA. *tp makan licin jugak*. So anyway.. Im just saying.. Bile kt Arau, or even kt rumah. but bile mama dah lame x masak Kari.. rase rindu sgt. and like tibe2 ade that sudden crave nak makan ayam kari jugak aritu..

I’m trying to imagine what it would be like.. tibe2 I dont have her around anymore.. Like tibe2 tade org nk marah kalau aku tinggalkn pinggan koto kt atas meje lame2 pas makan. Sape nk tegur kalau aku asek duk ngangkang tgk tb like a dude and sape nk pukul2 pintu tu kejut aku bgn bile aku membute smpai ke ptg..well. I couldnt imagine that at all..

em.. Mama..Im sorry that I raised up my voice earlier..:[

Im really sorry. and I love you so much..

Well. Im just pretty sad and lonely today. I know Ill be fine, just that I hope the time passes by cepat sikit harini.. cos I cant wait to find out wats waiting for me tomorrow… part of me mcm eager lah jugak to find out kan,tp part of me, macam malasnye aku nk amek kesah. biar jela pape jadi…

Im still wondering, how come. Some people just so luckyy and bleh happy je?? and how come some people kene suffer utk org lain punye happiness?? Kalau aku nk pakse gak diri aku teruskan. aku akan cakap, ‘there’s always reasons why shits happen’ tp WHEENNNN actually aku dpt jawapannye??

WHEN???

and theres this time jugak, when aku suddenly rase penat sgt..and I feel so alone. because tu lah fact. I AM alone afterall. mase tu la rase kerdil sgt kt bumi Allah ni. and mase tu baru nk tringat kt Dia. Yep.. Just like now..

Why cant everyone…EVERYONE just be happy? like.. kenape kene ade jeles2 antare kite, nape kene ade benci, nape kene ade dengki2?

I started to hate those love stories with happy ending. because slame yg aku tgk, theres no such thing as happy ending. maybe that just applied to me alone. Who the hell knows?

Sometimes I just hate everything. And most of the time, I ended up hating myself, knowing that, IF ONLY I could turn back time and did things differently. Id probably doesnt have to go through this shit, or probably its not gonna be this painful. but tu lah. the POSSIBILITIES and the WHAT IFS… GOD!. its eating me inside out!! whats worst, Im not even a good daughter. not a good friend. not a good listener. I suck in giving advices where people turn out jadi lagi sakit hati or even hated me or menyesal gile that they asked..Im just basically, everything that everyone doesnt want to be.

If you cut and bleed. the pain. thats NOTHING compare to the heartache..or a broken heart..Sometimes I feel like its gonna take forever to heal….and when you’re too busy or too distracted, you’ll be just fine. Tp when tibe2 you terbau something.. Say macam bau biskutt mase lalu kt depan Famos Amos dlm Alamnda tu kan. haaaaa. then you tringat all the memories flashing back bangbanggboomm in ur head and mase tu you feel like nk bakar the whole kedai.

You feel so terrible. at least I felt that way. and I was hoping, sepanjang jalan balik tu, Id be in a car accident, or got hit by a private jet yg Will Smith naik.. and sbb die rase bersalah sgt, die amek aku jadi anak angkat. or even better, die turn out suke gilee kt my sense of humor that die kate, aku patut kawen ngn Jayden. YAY!!!

BUTTTT~~

life wud never turn out that way. they just wudnt. WHY? I dont have the answer. sbb tu mmg mcm hukum die or sumting. things salunye never gonna work out mcm yg kite nak bile kite betul2 nak. Sometimes mende kite nak just akan dtg bile kite paling least expecting it.

okay my vocab sume berterabor. It doesnt really matter now. Im just..I dunno. I dont feel good. and worst, I dont have anyone’s shoulder to cry on.. not even Umpa’s…

WELL, life still treating me gooodddd, like very goooddd. life literally spoilsss me, with all that yummy foods. biskot Marie yg terbaik bile cicah ngn tea o panas.. and as long as stock nescafe and milo ade kt umah,and as long as Sardine x luput dr dunie ni, I’ll be fine.. Alhamdulillah..

Im just goin nuts kejap. because. I realized now (just), that I dont really have something strong to hold on to. my will?? NAHHHHHH. Confidence? lagila….. Passion?? lost that long long time ago.

So literally. Whats left is just FATTT. nape fat susah sgt nk hilang bebanding dengan semangat or kekentalan? (amek kauuu).

dlm sume mende kt dunie ni. nape mesti FAT?????????????????????

It would be easier kalau aku kurus, sbb bile aku sedih, aku bleh spend time makan everything yg ade dlm almari tu. tp ni dah la tgh sedey gile babiss, tgh sakit hatii, pastu gemok plak.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

you cant do anything at all!!!! xkn la nk nanges je 24/7?? and let alone EKSESAIS. aku gile ape nk eksesais smbil nanges2 tu. aku tnk mati lemas dlm hingus sindri k.

well at least I feel better tgk emoticon itik comel ni. LOL. okay. thank you for listening.. whoever you are.. thank you.

So I just hope that, sume org sihat, and happy and smoge org2 yg clueless mcm aku on what to hold on to, in order to move on..diberi petunjuk. Amin..

amende ntah aku ckp. zzzzzzz

A person who intentionally avoids you , and hurts you might sometimes be an indication that he is so damn scared to fall in love with you ♥

A quote I stole from someone on facebook.

Okay I guess this is the reason to most of the things. Mybe betul, maybe tak. Well as for me, its not really bout being afraid of falling in love, but more to like damn scared that I might hurt you because… thats just what I do. I hurt people especially those whom I care so dearly muchos. Definitely not a ciri2 peribadi that Im proud of.. but entah la. besides that, aku ni extremely hard headed and degil. So I was wondering jugak. Adekah manusie di luar sane tu yg sebegitu tabah to be with me? jgn ckp sminit due. To spend the rest of their life with this hardheaded, lazy and smelly creature? kamon laa. Even ade org yg mmg RARE skali pun blum tentu mampu.

I guess IT IS true that if you dont have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. –(NFatin, 2010)

hehehe. okay she doesnt know I stole this one. I know its one of your bubbly-ous punye personality yg mcm random and you always one of the kind that doesn’t hide your true feelings. tapi come on la.. we’ve been friends for how long? I dont expect you to jage my hati like bodek every secs or watsoever.. tp is it necessary for you to say bad things bout me, depan me? and even depan everyone. I know Im not as pretty as you are. YOU ARE PRETTY. tp I tink you’re prettier with that humbleness inside you.. Or is it me yg baru taw that your perangai memang macam tu? Is it me yg have to tolerate that? You see, Im not that kind yg have the courage untuk tegur baik2, or berbudi bahasa ni. Its just not me.. The last time aku tegur org, that person end up terasa hati and ktorang gaduh for quite a while. I dont want that to happen ever. I want to be honest. tp susahnye nk tegur sorang kawan baik kite at the same time, try not to hurt their feelings. And then, I would just say, Ala, die x sengaje.. jgn la sensitip sgt. Let it go, and aku pun akan teruskan je idup mcm biase. But then, smakin kerap die wat macam tu. Lame2 mestila pendam prasaan kan. and see whats happening now. aku dgn sengaje avoid utk jumpe die..so yeah. pendekatan yg aku amek skang, kalau tanak gaduh, avoid jelaa.

…

okay yg penting I gotta go watch Skyline! I dont care if I have to go alone, I will. Bleh add another one to my ‘First times’ punye tag utk 1st time tgk movie sorang2. HAHA. tp tanak weekends. Maybe monday? please please. harap2 cite tu ade lagi ;[

Now that he consider himself as a tool.. Is he? HAHA. Im not sure sbb as the matter of fact, aku yg patut rase camtu. Die da puas ckp mcm2 die nak, nanti die bosan die akan cari aku. so bukan aku ke yg patutnye dikategorikan sbg tool? FUNNY STUFF life is. Ive told you long time before. I cant please you. tp disebabkan yg you ni kononnye taleh putus ase ke ape, you stick around jugak. I wont change for you. I wont change for anyone. For watever reason it is, kalau nk kekal lame, mesti dtg dari dlm diri sindri. take the closest example, kalau you tanak ubah prangai you yg malas smayang, mcm I jugak, susah nk tibe2 brubah jadi org yg x tinggal smyg 5 hari skali right?? I cant change you either. When I tell you something serious, you always laugh at me like aku tgh jadi clown. You are NEVER serious. aku tanak pun kalau ko tu stiap mase serious manjang. tp please la.Ade mase aku nk someone yg hormat aku. yep, dah tawar hati nk cite pape. everytime I wanted to, not like you want to listen anyway, so xyah buang mase k?

you’re so full of excuses I cant bear to listen lagi dah. Kejap cakap macam ni, bile x dpt, kemainnyeee pujuk rayu. bile da dpt??? pk sindri.

time aku, sume taleh. tu la laki. nk tunjuk sgt kononnye pemilikan die tu. Im not your wife. please remember that. cube time die? ‘ala.. kejap je.. sblum kul 12 balik’

time aku, sume kene SKARANG! NOW!!

arghh. pegi mampos ngn sume tu. kan senang kalau tade pape. ha, ko tanak balik pun suke ati ko. xyah aku nk risau2 ke ape tak tentu pasal.

aku x suke k. aku x suke org tade pape hubungan bile kt public mcm dah laki bini. aku taw prasaan tu sbb aku penah wat cmtu. aku igt sume dose2 yg penah aku wat.  Sebenarnye laki mcm tu, x bertanggungjawab. Kalau aku pun laki, takkan la aku nk kawen ngn pompan yg senang2 nk bagi aku pgg2 ke ape? nanti dah kawen,die bagi gak laki len pgg2 gak, sape taw? Im thankful that sume still under control. and aku takkan let things turn out that way.

maybe aku patut lagi tegas this time. like 130% lagi tegas than before. so we will see. Hopefully He will give me the strength and the Guidance to overcome this. Im sure its for ‘something’ yg aku x nampak lagi kepentinganye. Maybe He have better plans for me someday. sape taw kan?

Aku mintak maap utk sume kepoyoan aku or watever dlm post ni. aku mmg tgh marah,and dissapointed that mende same mesti nk jadi byk2 kali. WHY THE HELLL, aku da malas pk. so yeah. jom tgk online movies!!!