JustMarl

Aku baru lepas mandi.and that is lepas tgk movie Confessions. it was okay la.harini dah tetido petang because I was so sleepy and bgn around 9PM. rase mcm dah pukul 3pagi. >.<

so since da taleh tido, tpakse la pk ape nk buat spnjng mlm and smpai la skang aku taleh tido. 350AM.

tadi aku dah terbuat something. it was all random and aku x pk panjang pun.

tetibe aku rase nk text someone yg dah almost staun aku x text.

aku ckp, Happy Birthday

sweet x? haha.

and he replied. tp aku bukan nk wat pape pun. just wanna know if die hidup lagi. aku nk tanye jugak, if he is happy. tp takkan tetibe pas happy birthday nk tnye, weyy ko happy x?

mungkin kerandom-an aku blum smpai thap tu.

anyway. aku cube tido smbil tsenyum. sbb. ntah la. aku rase die happy. tp aku taleh nk happy lagi sbb aku x sure. so kalau aku ni kawan aku, aku akan ckp kt diri aku, kenape ko bodoh sgt nk sebok amek taw die happy ke x? and aku akan tersenyap memilkirkan betape betulnye kate kawan aku tu. tp kawan aku tu bukan aku. so she wont understand.

because, mase die pegi, it was like ade something kt aku yg pegi gak.

harharharhahar. sjibik mcm movie tadi punye dialogue.

menyesal x? so far belum lagi, sbb aku x wat pape pun. and jauh skali aku nk kacau hbgn org, sbb aku takkan jadi mcm pompan tu. never never. aku mungkin selfish when it comes to MOST of the things, tp aku bukan selfish nk korbankan prasaan pompan lain demi sorang lelaki. mmg laki tu bleh wat aku jadi mcm ni. all stupid and buat aku ade prasaan yg susa aku nk explain, tp prasaan tu sgt sakit and sbb prasaan tu, aku buat org lain sakit jugak. tp, ntah la. tade explanation. or point utk aku ckp pasal tu.

sbb prasaan aku skang, all mixed up.

mcm aku ckp kt someone, maybe aku benci, tp bende yg aku paling nak is, he’s happy with his choice, even its not me. tp cmne aku nk pastikan die happy? susah nk ckp. xkn la aku kene  tinted kete and benti jauh skit dr umah die and ngendap 24/7??

aku cube tido awl tadi. tp sbb hati aku tgh tkilan. aku rase mcm makin jauh je. da la mmg x dekat pun. da la x dekat, pastu makin jauh. cmne tu??

he promised to call. and aku tunggu smpai arini. tp he’d rather do something else.

I miss the old times. I really do. gayut hari2. I know I was different back then. mmg different sgt. aku lupe yg aku happy dulu. terlampau happy. and skang aku x dpt da feeling tu. maybe ade kadang2. tp x penah same da. maybe xkn same.

mmg aku bosan. bosan text ari2. sbb tade mende nk ckp pun. tnye da mkn blom? watpe, and same old things. skang, da la ckp jarang, pastu ckp mende same je. so lgi boring kot??

maybe aku patut bele kucing!

anyway. hari ni akan berlalu. besok pun akan berlalu. maybe aku takla se excited dulu nk harung hari2 ni kan, tapi, aku kene igt and bersyukur aku still ade pluang utk hidup. bukan takat hidup je. hidup dgn sgt sihat and sume ade. Alhamdulillah.

adekah ade kaitan ngn sbb aku makin matang? ZZZ I wish.

so smpai arini aku x mkn nasik. bangge weh! tp aku makan sume mende kecuali nasik. haha. mcm tade effect je nt. zz. kononnye konsep nye adelah utk skip nasik so that perut get used to not having nasik, then baru quit daging. cume tu maybe mase balik kang, sbb aku tade duit nk beli healthy2 meal and masak ni.

business doin okay, Alhamdulillah. harap2 dpt jual kasut yg aku nk sgt tu! so cuti nanti aku akan busykan diri. tade pe penting dah. lagi x penting org yg x pentingkan aku. family first.

that’s what you taught me.

Nyte