JustMarl

Zami ckp magic, sbb die mmg slame ni harapkan aku brubah. dulu aku teruk. haha. so bile terjumpe balik kt facebook, die kate die terkejut. tp hes glad.

hes a good friend jugak.

tetibe aku rase mcm, aku sbenarnye ade ramai kawan yg baik.

tapi aku tak nampak sblum ni. so aku message Naguto. told her how she has been a great friend of mine. tade la, sbb mcm da lame x msg die. so suddenly teringat. aku just mcm, nk let her know. that I love her, and that shes a good friend.

Eka pelik ngn aku sbb prangai aku ni. haha. aku mmg salu pelik ok eka. xyah wat tekejut sgtt.

aku still rase sedih..sedih sgt.. die salah paham pasal aku. the last memory that he had of me, was aku ni sorang yg sgt jht, kejam and tade prasaan…and… CURANG??! seriously? aku org mcm tu ke.. he sounds so convincing.. buat aku feel so bad. even asalnye aku lansung x rase aku buat sume yg die ckp tu. he just.. had it all wrong.

do u have any idea how that made me feel bout myself??

I actually start believing every single words that came out from him. just because his opinions were important. at least to me it is..

I should have more control over my life. you know, being able to use the brain and do the right things. not the things yg aku teringin buat without considering the consequences..

salah satu mende aku nk ubah skang.. is.. being a better friend. aku nk jumpe sume yg sudi jumpe aku, nk visit old friendss, macam keep in touch sume.

paling penting. kene attend sume wedding org!

if only cries can make me feel better..

can I talk to someone??

No I couldn’t.. everyones too busy living their own miserable life. or busy spreading the happiness. takkan aku nk tibe2 dtg out of nowhere??

I can only talk to Him..

if only I could get some sort of advice.. or guidance on how to keep living..

I really don’t want to be that person who messes with people’s life. come on. look at me. Im not even capable of doing so.

but.. why does everything keep falling apart whenever I try to fix things?

I badly need the guiding light..

sometimes aku rase, aku ni tak bgune utk sape2 pun.. I mean, aku x mampu nk happykan sape2 pun? tak mampu nk jadi kawan yg baik gak.. x mampu nk tlg org.. aku x mampu buat pape pun..im not even a good person. jauh skali la a good citizen..

living doesn’t have to be so difficult I know..

haih… I just feel so miserable now.. I couldn’t do anything right..

bukan tanak share.. I tink.. better I keep this to myself.. lets not open up to just anyone, just because die open up to me. Im gonna live with my own secrets. well, sape2 yg bace blog aku and kenal aku maybe taw. but its okay la. its not like I can expect them to understand..

im just, picking up all that falling pieces. slow and steady je k.

I WILL get my life back.

the trick is, to keep practicing that fake smiles, one day youll be so good at faking it that u will actually believed it.

its okay Maliza. ur alone, but Allah stays with you always. just gotta hold that faith kuat2.

besok klas bawak ke tghari sbb lecturer ade hal pagi2. nasib baik assignment sume dah siap, so I don’t have to worry. perut bunyi2. tp.. aku tade lansong rase nk makan.. tadi rase pening yg pelik.. aku rase sbb aku dahage nk air sejuk. so buat 2 cawan iced nescafe mase perut kosong. and makan pun sikit je. haha. tia kate aku nmpk kurus dah! okay pujian palsu itu agak memberi smgt. so aku accept. senang rupenye simpan duit. lagi senang mase tgh heartbroken. mase heartbroken gak baru terase susahnye hati and hidup ni, that at last, u know you don’t have any idea who to turn to, and mase tu lah sedar utk pergi jumpe Dia. smuenye time susah.

mase senang.. haih..

aku asek lupe prasaan malu thadap diri sndri ni. sbb dah brape lame aku jadi hambe yg x mengenang budi and ignorant, ego and sombong. bile lupe malu la, akan jadi lalai..

aku dah dpt bukti, yg ape kite cakap tu sume satu doa.. lagi2 bile time ckp tu, dtg dr hati yg ikhlas dan bsungguh2. tak kesah la bende baik ke bende x baik ke.. sbb due2 bende aku mintak tu, aku dah dpt. yg baik ngn yg x baik. yg x baik tu mintak kt org lain tp dpt kt diri sindri. haha. so padan muke aku.

so. hidup lah dgn prinsip, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. ape lagi?? silent is the best weapon. bile dah pk balik.. aku rase.. sgt btul.. kalau la aku teruskan je bdiam diri. mungkin sume xyah jadi seteruk ni. ok ok. enaf with the regret. jgn menyesal maliza. this is the consequences dr sume yg ko sindri plih utk buat. ok. so I will live with the pain. okay.

I can do this

he said, kalau ade jodoh, ade la. die serik dgn aku.

I am THAT bad huh?

maybe..aku rase hikmahnye, kalau die x buat mcm ni, aku takkan sedar. time kasih kepade die. sbb die sedarkan aku utk menghargai org. walaupun impression trakhir die kt aku, sume yg jahat2 and buruk2 sume.. aku dah tade pluang nk ubah sume tu. so.. just try utk live better. be better. its okayy. aku akan buktikan kt org lain je. sbb tak dpt nk buktikan kt die dah yg betape salahnye die pasal aku.

terkilan skit. tp, its okay. dr aku terus idup dgn ego sgunung, and sombong tu. this officially changes every single thing about me.