JustMarl

Assalamualaikum!

okay. this is gonna be ANOTHER speedy update. beberape hari ni aku sebok cube merealisasikan impian aku. which im not gonna blurt it just yet. not until it actually happens okeng? so sabaa. teehee.

Alhamdulillah. time kasih Abah sbb ‘sponsor’ duit utk aku pegi register ZheMarleey. so yeah. I theoretically have my own company now. haih. just sikit trkilan, dlm byk2 bulan, bulan JUNE jugak tarikh register tu. hmmm

Perasaan aku? mestila lagi smgt giler kot. smpai smlm aku stay up the wholeeee night cari supplier.

This is happening and its gonna happen just the way I wanted it to happened.

InsyaAllah.

hehe. even agak ketare gelojoh aku dlm berbisnes lately. salah ke im being too ambitious? hehe. and aku ade satu lagi project. tp aku tanak cite pasal tu jugak. not until it happened okay? so tunggu. I just hope everything went well with everyone!

Mama ade sakit sikit lately. asik sakit je. hmmm.

neway. aku tableh tido lambat mcm smlm lagi. tgari baru tido kot. pastu bgn time magrib, yeah I missed zhor and Asar. so ape gune aku keje kuat2 cmtu tp lupe diri? Careful Maliza. jgn salah langkah k

dpt support sepenuhnye dr Abah. hope he knows how much it meant for me

I should be sleeping right now. tapi taleh. argh. demmit.

benci bile hari2 prasaan mcm ni dtg balik. sbb ni tande2 kegagalan ok!

tetibe terase bsalah. er tp nape aku kene rase cmni? I have all the rights to be angry and furious and histerical!! so im just being normal okay.

hari kedue di rumah, and nothing happen. cume aku makan nasik. which so not part of the to do lists!!

so aku dah pk masak2.

aku harap sgt org tu paham. no hopes left okay? NONE. ZERO. ur just getting ur self hurt. so baik leave before anything because I have absolutely nothing to offer. seriously.

aku ade terpk jugak. lame dah die x msg aku. same ade die da move on or something happened. aku tataw. just tadi aku mcm terngiang2, all those mean things ive said to him. just to make him go away. men.. byk gile kot. I have every rights to be hated jugak. just, pape pun, kalau die ade lagi, aku harap die happy.. sbb die baik. and sbb aku jahat, and sbb aku tanak masuk balik dlm hidup die and ruin everything. its better kalau aku stay away je. lagi x attach, lagi susah nk sakit hati

lets just make friends okay, and try ur best not to buat enemies. lifes too short nk gado2. *even I just did cari pasal ngn org. haha. okay maybe tats different cos that org deserve it. bwek.

okay im very clear and understand, that this decision im making, akan buat org2 yg mungkin masih bharap pade aku, or yg still care, akan pergi. whats left is just me, I know that..

but im willing to take that risk. id rather be alone sbb aku just hanye akan sakitkan hati org. andddd at the same time sakitkan hati aku sindri. theres no room left kt hati aku ni utk sakit lagi okay? kalau tak aku akan sakit jantung sbb darah tsumbat. so if u dun want to see me deadd, just let me live on my own.

wow. aku realize yg aku semakin kejam and tak berhati perut.

ah yg penting, aku happy sbb kbykan bende yg dlm to do things before mati tu, byk jugak da wat

I understand that, some people wont treat you right.. and theres nothing you can do to change their mind, cos basically ape dorang pk pasal ko, is their problem. but what u can do, is MOVE ON, and ntah lah, maybe just focus on ur life and the things u like to do. I know I know. easier said than done kan? but the least u can do is, GIVE IT A TRY

good luck maliza!

okay byk bende dah jadi past few days. and just now aku baru je memaki seseorang *er, bagi aku die bukan org pun. die tade lansong sifat2 manusia. okay.

so aku maki puas2. ckp sume mende aku nk ckp, just sbb aku tkilan x dpt nk ckp depan muke die.

aku da x kesa ape nk jadi, sbb bende paling teruk dah pun jadi. the worst feeling adelah, disalah anggap. maksud kite lain, tp org paham lain..

lain sgt2..

betape die silap sgt2 pasal aku. silap besar. tp tu bukan alasan utk bitch tu amek kesempatan ats situasi ni or ape2 situasi pun.

so mcm yg aku maksudkan, aku mmg maksud kan die tu sorang bitch and talam bermuke2.

puas.

sbb die, org yg aku paling sayang, dah salah paham kt aku, and theres nothing I can do about it.

so aku harap sume org happy je, camne die bahagie nk mampus atas sume bende die wat kt aku, aku pun nk happy.

dengan ini, aku da jumpe care aku nk happy.

aku ade rancangan sindri utk mase depan aku, same mcm die ade rancangan utk mase depan mereke yg bahagie tu.

oh ur dead right ini kate2 org dengki.

okay tp ia sekadar mendengki dr jauh, and aku bukan sorang yg pendendam, so that will fade.

aku mungkin takkan mendirikan rumah tangge, mcm yg mama and abah harapkan. sorry ma, abah.

tp aku akan adopt sorang anak angkat, sorang baby yg comel. uh belum decide nk laki ke pompan. hmmmmm

tp sbelum tu, aku nk make sure, aku tade utang ngn sape2, lagi2 MARA. aku nk stabil ngn business aku. maybe aku akan ikut jejak someone, yg amik kursus buat kasut kt indon, so aku bleh buat my own custom made punye kasut. nk buat baju mcm tlampau susah. kasut lagi menarik rasenye. ngehngeh. tujuan utame adelah buat utk diri sindri so ari2 tuka kasut. MUAHAHAHAA.

okay, bile dah stabil, aku akan amek sorang baby. hey aku pun org biase yg ade prasaan utk disayangi okey. so kasih syg dr mama and abah dah terlebih dr cukup. aku x perlukan seorang lelaki wat mase ni. *WAT MASE NI OKAY.  mane taw tetibe tuka pkiran. ngehngeh

and lepas tu just terus keje, tunaikan janji2 kt mama and abah. ugh. pk pasal study yg x seberape tu buat aku putus ase. mungkin x tercapai dek akal utk dpt 1st class.

yg penting cmne2 pun. duit adela misi idup aku. make sure abah and mama hidup senang lepas ni.

aku dah drove dr Arau ke KL. dr kul 10 mlm okay. smpai kl dlm kul 730AM. sesat2 smpai ke thailand. phew. Alhamdulillah, time kasih Allah sbb kami slmt smpai. mcm2 aku jumpe dlm pjalanan, tp biar jadi pengalaman aku sindri je.

lepas da smpai rumah baru terase bhayenye aku buat mcm tu. tp… sumpah, aku tak terpk lansung kepayahan or pape masalah sbb aku just tanak susahkan abah dtg amek aku. bile da bawak sindri. aku bleh rase cmne abah penat amek and anta aku and aku just nk jadi sorang yg mampu utk buat sume bende sindri tanpe harapkan sape2. aku mungkin akan selalu jatuh. but that’s okay. aku just nk biasekan diri utk bgn sindri. tak sume akan stay besides you.

aku just nk susahkan dorang LESS.

aku mungkin bukan sorang manusia yg baik, not even a good citizen. probably not even a good friend…

but yg penting I wanna be better. not for anyone though. I wanna be better for me.

org yg rase sunyi, hanyelah org yg nak merase sunyi tu.

so prasaan yg x bape nk perlu mungkin boleh buang jauh2. sbb aku takkan menangis kalau aku tanak menangis. its all about what you tell your brain to do.

so don’t maliza! ur way too awesome utk menangis or buat bende2 mcm ko tgh buat ni. zzzz

okay tape since aku mcm da lame sgt focus kt busines, once a while nk focus kt diri sindri gak.

aku tak rase pjalanan aku still jauh, sbb aku selalu rase mati tu dekat. tataw la tu tande ape, tp rasenye a good sign kot sbb aku akan beringat kt mati.

aku tanak sesat.

aritu, aku complain pasal sorang cashier ni. atas layanan die yg sgt suck tu telah memakse aku file a complaint. kasik ajar skit. tu pun blum tentu org atas die btul2 buat tindakan. zzzz byk mase terbuang kt situ, tp aku pcaye kalau complaint aku di amik kire, service dorang akan jadi lagiiii bagusss gileee.

aku kene percaye, yg x sume ditakdirkan utk jadi. tp takdir mcm mati tu caye la. im just saying, aku x caye aku akan hidup all gloomy mcm ni.

theres so much things to do!! seriously.

baik aku angkat buntut, and join all the larian amal tu. boleh gak kurus2kan badan. kad derme organ dah smpai dengan slmt, aku x bharapan purse aku akan hilang lagi. not a chance.

lepas sbulan aku x mkn nasik, smlm aku tpakse makan nasik lemak sbb lapa sgt. luoe pesan kt abah to get me anything BUT rice.

so aku akan start dgn diet juice.  diet juice forever. maybe kadang2 leh makan roti and all those gandum thingy. tp slagi berat aku tak smpai 48kg!!! juice okay!! –nasib baik tertengok diet kimora tadi. ngehngeh. leh turun berat jugak la dlm 2 minggu. so kite tgk ape jadi nanti. dah suruh abah beli all the barang2. tp nk skip coffee mungkin akan jadi masalah besa gile bg aku. zzzz

aku determine nk jadi org yg lebih baik. but in order to do so, I really really need to talk myself thru this. dah la tgh period sume hormon lintang pukang. cpt emosi and terase. hm.

you are a lot stronger than this maliza. mungkin org akan judge ko kejam or busuk hati, but to hell with them, they don’t live in your shoes. jgn biarkan kejam ko kt org yg berhak tu sie2 je k!

okay!!!

so lepas ni, aku mungkin akan jadi YES WOMAN. I will say yes to almost everything, and see kemane that will bring me

I just gotta hold to that positivity.

hi, its 450AM. and aku terjage. from a reallyyyyyyyyyy weird dream. what a dream!!

em so we bebuke with er.as usual Macaroni. dem spicey, and cendol pulut buah! yea. they got few buah mcm nenas, laici inside the cendol. and some nata de coco. which is kinda nice. kenyang mkn cendol je! tp pastu aku mkn gak makaroni. hehe.

haih. duk sini, asik byk parut je tataw ape gigit tp doe jado bengkak merah. err more like lovebites really. but its really gatal and sakit. hmm.

and Abah sent this right after Magrib

lol. makaroni soup. err not realy MY favourite. but I guess right now, pape pun aku rindu gak masakan mama. wuuu.

I cant wait to get back. SO excited! OH OH. harini dpt Test2. hehe. guess what? All 5 of us, Me,Tia,Bella,Allie and Mira got fullmark!

oh man. rase mcm nk makan makaroni je..

ok bye nk gi mkn.