JustMarl

So ive pledged! yay! this is something ive been wanting to do. like since sekolah lagi. cume sbb terdengar2 pasal Islam tak bagi cos merosakkan jasad yg meninggal buat aku mcm serbe salah, walaupun hati aku mcm kuat ckp, its for a good cause, mesti boleh. and lepas bace2 tadi. jgn risau. islam benarkan kite menderma organ as long bukan utk populariti, duit, bla3242. hanye ikhlas kerana Allah SWT.

Apa kata Islam tentang pendermaan organ??

boleh click the higlighted sentence utk more info

hope it helps.

tinggal nk inform my parent about this. I hope they will understand and support.

thanks to my deary old bestie, Afiqah Zahidi sbb die post link on National Transplant Resource Centre. sbb dulu mase nk sgt2, aku tataw where to start and who to ask.

asalnye mcm confuse and x sure nk tick yg mane. kulit x cantik pun. segan plak nk bagi. tp I guess kot2 ade kt tempat2 lain yg maybe boleh digunekan. so ntah. the doc knows best. so I ticked all.

Im not really a good person.. jauh skali brgune dlm hidup ni. this is the least I could do I hope.

so, yeah. Join me, be a pledger and save a life

harini, Day 3. ganti puasa nazar dah abes. Alhamdulillah. tinggal puasa ganti. weehuu!!

Zami ckp magic, sbb die mmg slame ni harapkan aku brubah. dulu aku teruk. haha. so bile terjumpe balik kt facebook, die kate die terkejut. tp hes glad.

hes a good friend jugak.

tetibe aku rase mcm, aku sbenarnye ade ramai kawan yg baik.

tapi aku tak nampak sblum ni. so aku message Naguto. told her how she has been a great friend of mine. tade la, sbb mcm da lame x msg die. so suddenly teringat. aku just mcm, nk let her know. that I love her, and that shes a good friend.

Eka pelik ngn aku sbb prangai aku ni. haha. aku mmg salu pelik ok eka. xyah wat tekejut sgtt.

aku still rase sedih..sedih sgt.. die salah paham pasal aku. the last memory that he had of me, was aku ni sorang yg sgt jht, kejam and tade prasaan…and… CURANG??! seriously? aku org mcm tu ke.. he sounds so convincing.. buat aku feel so bad. even asalnye aku lansung x rase aku buat sume yg die ckp tu. he just.. had it all wrong.

do u have any idea how that made me feel bout myself??

I actually start believing every single words that came out from him. just because his opinions were important. at least to me it is..

I should have more control over my life. you know, being able to use the brain and do the right things. not the things yg aku teringin buat without considering the consequences..

salah satu mende aku nk ubah skang.. is.. being a better friend. aku nk jumpe sume yg sudi jumpe aku, nk visit old friendss, macam keep in touch sume.

paling penting. kene attend sume wedding org!

if only cries can make me feel better..

can I talk to someone??

No I couldn’t.. everyones too busy living their own miserable life. or busy spreading the happiness. takkan aku nk tibe2 dtg out of nowhere??

I can only talk to Him..

if only I could get some sort of advice.. or guidance on how to keep living..

I really don’t want to be that person who messes with people’s life. come on. look at me. Im not even capable of doing so.

but.. why does everything keep falling apart whenever I try to fix things?

I badly need the guiding light..

sometimes aku rase, aku ni tak bgune utk sape2 pun.. I mean, aku x mampu nk happykan sape2 pun? tak mampu nk jadi kawan yg baik gak.. x mampu nk tlg org.. aku x mampu buat pape pun..im not even a good person. jauh skali la a good citizen..

living doesn’t have to be so difficult I know..

haih… I just feel so miserable now.. I couldn’t do anything right..

bukan tanak share.. I tink.. better I keep this to myself.. lets not open up to just anyone, just because die open up to me. Im gonna live with my own secrets. well, sape2 yg bace blog aku and kenal aku maybe taw. but its okay la. its not like I can expect them to understand..

im just, picking up all that falling pieces. slow and steady je k.

I WILL get my life back.

the trick is, to keep practicing that fake smiles, one day youll be so good at faking it that u will actually believed it.

its okay Maliza. ur alone, but Allah stays with you always. just gotta hold that faith kuat2.

besok klas bawak ke tghari sbb lecturer ade hal pagi2. nasib baik assignment sume dah siap, so I don’t have to worry. perut bunyi2. tp.. aku tade lansong rase nk makan.. tadi rase pening yg pelik.. aku rase sbb aku dahage nk air sejuk. so buat 2 cawan iced nescafe mase perut kosong. and makan pun sikit je. haha. tia kate aku nmpk kurus dah! okay pujian palsu itu agak memberi smgt. so aku accept. senang rupenye simpan duit. lagi senang mase tgh heartbroken. mase heartbroken gak baru terase susahnye hati and hidup ni, that at last, u know you don’t have any idea who to turn to, and mase tu lah sedar utk pergi jumpe Dia. smuenye time susah.

mase senang.. haih..

aku asek lupe prasaan malu thadap diri sndri ni. sbb dah brape lame aku jadi hambe yg x mengenang budi and ignorant, ego and sombong. bile lupe malu la, akan jadi lalai..

aku dah dpt bukti, yg ape kite cakap tu sume satu doa.. lagi2 bile time ckp tu, dtg dr hati yg ikhlas dan bsungguh2. tak kesah la bende baik ke bende x baik ke.. sbb due2 bende aku mintak tu, aku dah dpt. yg baik ngn yg x baik. yg x baik tu mintak kt org lain tp dpt kt diri sindri. haha. so padan muke aku.

so. hidup lah dgn prinsip, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. ape lagi?? silent is the best weapon. bile dah pk balik.. aku rase.. sgt btul.. kalau la aku teruskan je bdiam diri. mungkin sume xyah jadi seteruk ni. ok ok. enaf with the regret. jgn menyesal maliza. this is the consequences dr sume yg ko sindri plih utk buat. ok. so I will live with the pain. okay.

I can do this

he said, kalau ade jodoh, ade la. die serik dgn aku.

I am THAT bad huh?

maybe..aku rase hikmahnye, kalau die x buat mcm ni, aku takkan sedar. time kasih kepade die. sbb die sedarkan aku utk menghargai org. walaupun impression trakhir die kt aku, sume yg jahat2 and buruk2 sume.. aku dah tade pluang nk ubah sume tu. so.. just try utk live better. be better. its okayy. aku akan buktikan kt org lain je. sbb tak dpt nk buktikan kt die dah yg betape salahnye die pasal aku.

terkilan skit. tp, its okay. dr aku terus idup dgn ego sgunung, and sombong tu. this officially changes every single thing about me.

its day 2 of puasa ganti. hari kedue jugak hati aku kene lenyek2.

adekah aku akan jadi lebih kuat kalau berjaye survive lenyekan ni lagi beberape hari?

yes. I can. positive outcomes only

tapi buat mase ni.. aku decide utk biarkan hati aku sakit. just let it go through. aku tanak tahan, aku tanak pure2 kuat. sbb aku x kuat lansung..

tapi..smoge … em. I ran out of good wishes. haha.  cant think of any at all >.<

tataw lah smoge ape.

Mama called semalam, dah x demam katennye. tapi batuk ade lagi. Alhamdulillah. terima kasih Allah sbb dengar doa aku.

aku bkn sakit sorang, sbb ade org lagi sakit dr aku. and aku rase maaf x cukup.

aku pun tataw nk watpe. kalau aku ikut je ckp die. maknenye aku lagi kejam. sbb biar die hidup ngn harapan2 palsu tu padahal aku taw aku akan ttp pergi lepas2 tu.

…

slepas mengambil kire ckp Allie.sbenanye sblum die ckp lagi aku da taw nk watpe. cume aku tade kekuatan utk actually do it. because I was lonely myself..

that’s selfish.

aku yg sbbkan masala ni. nape nk drag innocent someone with me?

I just wish I was stronger before everything went this far. this serious.

its okay maliza. u have tried. u know u have. u have begged, ugut? haha. sume bende keji and jijik aku dah buat. still tade kesan. it means I should stop trying and turn around. andd………….

find someone to be blamed!

or. hadapi ketentuan ni.

well. I guess. all this pain. heartaches? sumenye. fated to be this way. okay

now aku sgt pasti. aku akan sambung Master. insyaAllah.

Test 2 on Friday. haih. sgt lah malas nk bace buku. padahal kelas 2 jam je tiap ari. hm.

mama, rindu ikan keli asam pedas mama

rindu sore abah balik umah lepas magrib. penat tp try jugak tunjuk muke happy.

Allah please give me the chances utk jage dorang. bagi aku pluang tu. Amin.

its not easy, nk hadapi sume ni, with Tia around. because I cant let my tears fall. I cant show my sad face.

takkan aku nk nanges dlm blik air tiap masee. pelik lak mandi lame2. kerap lak tu!

bilik tade kipas. aku akan menangis kepanasan. nk nanges pun ade tempat2 tertentu je k.. kene slese!

so.. rasenye aku tade pape utang so far.. aku dah confess kt those I made mistakes at.. Ive done everything I thought could fix things. tinggal tgk aku dimaafkan ke x.. lain2 aku bserah okay.

harini urusan aku dipermudahkan Allah. Dia sntiase mendengar.

Maliza. kalau tanak dilupekan. jgn lupekan Dia jugak k.

kuat skit! positive outcomes only!

ill take risks. ill be back on my 2 feet. cos its not like I lose everything. JUST hati je kannn. dengan soul. tapi I have mama and abah around. their faith and hopes in me. okay.

get it boss!