JustMarl

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harini aku rase agak tenteram and bahagie. even smlm hari yg tak berape nk baik. BUT BUT!!!!! the major presentation we’ve been anticipating for, dah lepas!! hoooray!

and why Im so happy is that because it went so well, i feel like crying. the satisfaction aku dpt mase habis present tu. thats something different. of course mende tu takkan jadi tanpe commitment from all of the group members. not sure what others think bout me, bout I tink ive gained lil bit of confidence when standing infront of the crowd. AT LAST. lepas 8taun blaja maliza. at last, something good came out of it.

Past few days. some people being really really pushy and sgt menguji kesabaran. argghh

really what ive been asking, is just to have someone yg matang. ok kematangan akan jadi top priority. wait. one of the top priorities. kematangan lps iman. I did few mistakess jugak. well, blom buat lagi. but currently thinking of doing it. yeahh.

I realize that, someone you should be friend-ed  with spatutnye someone yang boleh guide or encourage you to do good deeds. not the other way around . but. since aku pun sgt lah benapsu kuat. susah jugak. ahhaha. Anyway, i will let my guts tell me what to do. sikit2 supported by the thinking brain. kalau aku x gune otak, mmg sume mende aku tibai je.

the FACT is. ade hati yg perlu dijage. and what matters most definitely Mama and Abah je. so yeah. sorry. i changed my mind. AGAIN. kalau aku buat, that would be demmmselfish!!! dah la aku mmg selfish pun, tp pas buat, aku akan jadi like trillions time more selfish. ada paham? so, kadang2 aku rase sgt matang bile berjaye kawal diri utk wat something yg aku sgt2 desire the most nk buat. but yeah. ade bende lagi penting dr kepuasan tu.

just i hope that i wont slipped and fall. mase tu menyesal x gune dah.

ah. didnt i tell u that the reason why aku dpt update blog harini is because no one is at home. sume pi Bukit Ayer? or Bukit Ayaq they called it. haha. aku x pegi. well, tade reason tertentu. just malas. and aku bukan anak org kaye nk bsukerie2 cmtu.

but really. aku harap sgt dpt bawak kete sini. its been hard. btul. sometimes i felt like im losing it.the only thing that kept myself apart is because i just cant let them win. :[

anyway. im having that good feeling, that everything will turn out just fine. just kene saba skitt je lagi okay! its gonna be over soon i hope. :D

heyho! greetings everyone! :]

Alhamdulillah. aku tersgt lah healthy even ade masalah tinge bengkak sikit. tp dah salu sgt kene so mcm biase je. cume tableh nk ckp or gelak or bukak mulut luas2 sbb rahang pun sakit.

jgn tanye cmne bleh kene k!

Cuti sminggu dah abes. seriously. rase mcm sekejap teramat2. Didnt spend much time with mama and abah as planned. Haih. nk pegi like on vacation tp susah ble makcik tu ade skali. :|

er. so ape je aku buat cuti sminggu tuh?

1. Balut buku
2. Visit UniKL and GMI for Quality

er. rasenye tu je kot bende bergune aku wat? lain2 just buang mase, tido, well I did main badminton 2 kali kot. and it was great. byk gak pluh kuar. emm

neway, aku balik on Saturday around 930PM. Alhamdulillah. tade delay pape mcm member2 aku yg len smpai arini x balik2. sbb tiket abes and delay smpai 5 6 jam. gile ah. Aku smpai umah sewe sorang2 je. Agak scary bukan ape. sbb byknye serangge liar di rumah ni. balik2 bukak lampu tade pun, lepas kua bilik 10min later, bsepah2 binatang!! tjumpe labah2 besar tapak tangan dlm gayung. nasib baik aku x wat mandi. yeeeecckkk! besar gile and hitam. Isa ckp tu labah2 tanah. but i dunno. pkul ngn gayong and buang.

pastu binatang yg still aku tataw ape namenye. yg besar and buzzing and terbang liar. geli. kulit keras. kalau pukul, die terpelanting sbb keras sgt. tp x mati. almost tpelanting kt muke aku mase pkul. pastu binatang tu kejar baldi aku tgh pgg. scary. tpakse lari tinggalkan baldi tu. haha

x la exactly mcm ni rupenye. tp similarity tu dah ade. pastu ulat bulu xyah cite laa. merate2. tiap kali nk pijak lantai pagi2. like kene betul2 sedar and mcm tgk dlu lantai. sbb the probablity nk bgn and tpijak ulat bulu sgt tinggi disini

err. okay. since aku sorang je kul 3AM ni kt living room. aku nk mengundur diri. later k! bybyeee

:]

one of the things that cheer me up when im so down.

Why do you keep making the same mistakes Maliza?

havent u learn anything from the past?

I’ve sinned.

I wanted to be a good friend. I want to be that someone, when I die, and theres people asking bout me, they would describe me as a great friend. the one you’d missed the most when that person no longer here.

and i wanna be that someone, who can change others. to the better of course. to be inspired by, just to be noticed..

it just wont work. not for me.

I was born selfish.

and trying to change that, is hypocrite.

looking myself in the mirror. haih…

im really dissapointed. with my self. with what ive become.

Im so lost. clueless. and im craving for that light, that someone, to come and guide me so bad. but I keep losing faith. It kept coming back. and.I keep losing it again. and again and thats just. tiring…

cos really. REALLY. I dont know what to do.

Im crushed that I realize now that I can never change. I can never be good.or sweet. cos its not me.

I was born mean, heartless and cold.

Those people I threw out and far from my life..they are the lucky ones. I chose all these paths I thought was the right ones..and of course. I was dead wrong. I was never right. not even once. all that decisions Ive made. that steps I took. haih. sume salah.

I really want to correct things. but seems like, everything yg aku buat, sume nye x betul.

No one knew. and no one will.

I really miss it.

sakitnye. :[

I dont want to wake up. it’d be nice if I could sleep forever. heh.

tat’d help saving everyone’s pain and misery.